A Dream, A Memory

Last night I dreamt that he watched me shower, and then led me to the floor in front of my parents' bed in order to fuck me. Do what thou whilst, Freudians...

But it reminded me of an interesting evening I shared with a guy from high school. It was graduation time, and he had never shown any interest in me before. My only interest in him was because my best friend had a thing for him, and him her. So of course this meant that I had to have him.

He called me over to his house one evening, and I went, wearing a cute shorts-and-top outfit. There were candles and soft lighting, conversation, lingering glances, but not much else; still, the room felt charged with erotica. He pulled out a camera and told me he wanted to film me. I was awkward and shy - I've never liked my still image, and I knew I wouldn't like a my moving image. But I felt powerless beneath him and I agreed to be taped.

He asked me questions about my thoughts about friends, graduation, and plans. He asked me how much life experience I'd had. He asked me about my sexual experience. Then, with my hand running over the top of my left breast, he told me that I was a slut. I paused. He said it again, more gently, "You're a slut. You know you are," and smiled at me in a way that made me tingle.

"Now tell me, tell me you're a slut. Look into the camera and tell it that you're a slut." And I did. I did because I wanted him. I said it because I didn't believe it as much as I did believe it.

He leaned me back, pushed my shorts and panties aside, and entered me. We fucked, fully clothed, and then, after he returned from washing his hands, I knew I was dismissed. I left, and on my way home, it occurred to me that we had never kissed.