Monogamy

This post will be outside my norm. That's fine; this is my blog, after all.

I've never been any good at monogamy. I really don't understand the traditional definition of it. Well, yes, I do understand the traditional definition. I just wonder if it really works. Just about every relationship I've had, and just about every relationship my friends have had (hell, I'm going with just about everyone now) has involved some sort of cheating.

Cheating is certainly relative. From what I've gathered, cheating to men means that their woman has had sex with another person. Cheating to women can mean that as well, but also, often, means that her man is emotionally involved with another woman.

I'm not tackling gay relationships here. Those are beyond my experience.

From my own experience, I know that I've never had a serious relationship where I could stay faithful. The interest, the desire, the need to be needed is too strong. I hate that I've hurt those people.

Now I have Him. He told me from the beginning that He would not be faithful. I protested at first. He asked me when the last time I was faithful was. I had to be honest. He smirked. (We've known each other for a long time, long before we're finally trying to get this right.) I realized what He meant. I always wanted to have my boyfriend around, but be free to do what I wanted to do. I now realize that I can't have it both ways. This means I have to allow the freedom to explore for Him and for me.

He's too important to me to not let Him. I know that He loves me. I know that I love Him.

Now, finding people who understand this free, honest relationship is a different matter. I want more others who are willing to engage with me, knowing the parameters. My friends already think I'm crazy for agreeing to these terms. Does it seem strange? It doesn't to me. I know I am occasionally jealous. That's usually because He's getting more attention than me. I've seen the pendulum shift when I get more attention. All He and I have to do is be sensitive to it.

PS - Don't expect to read a lot of posts like these. This place is about raw animal sexuality.