Last night I dreamt that he watched me shower, and then led me to the floor in front of my parents' bed in order to fuck me. Do what thou whilst, Freudians...
But it reminded me of an interesting evening I shared with a guy from high school. It was graduation time, and he had never shown any interest in me before. My only interest in him was because my best friend had a thing for him, and him her. So of course this meant that I had to have him.
He called me over to his house one evening, and I went, wearing a cute shorts-and-top outfit. There were candles and soft lighting, conversation, lingering glances, but not much else; still, the room felt charged with erotica. He pulled out a camera and told me he wanted to film me. I was awkward and shy - I've never liked my still image, and I knew I wouldn't like a my moving image. But I felt powerless beneath him and I agreed to be taped.
He asked me questions about my thoughts about friends, graduation, and plans. He asked me how much life experience I'd had. He asked me about my sexual experience. Then, with my hand running over the top of my left breast, he told me that I was a slut. I paused. He said it again, more gently, "You're a slut. You know you are," and smiled at me in a way that made me tingle.
"Now tell me, tell me you're a slut. Look into the camera and tell it that you're a slut." And I did. I did because I wanted him. I said it because I didn't believe it as much as I did believe it.
He leaned me back, pushed my shorts and panties aside, and entered me. We fucked, fully clothed, and then, after he returned from washing his hands, I knew I was dismissed. I left, and on my way home, it occurred to me that we had never kissed.
12.12.09
30.11.09
Show Off
"Lie back, my girl," he tells me, as I recline across the bed. "I want you to do something for me. Something you've resisted, and it's about damn time you've shown me."
He hands me my toys, the ones he's seen in the drawer and sometimes, fully fitted with batteries and next to my bedside. "Tonight, you're going to get yourself off for me."
I take the smaller vibrator from him and warm it with my hands. I'm not good at showing off like this, because the stories I tell myself in my head are not always the fantasies I want to share. This real occasion is one of my favorites, and I want to be good for him - for me.
I reach down with the pink vibrator in my right hand and open myself with my left hand. I spread open my lips and touch the right side of my clit with the buzzing vibrator, feeling the sensation wrap around me. It makes me twitch and want to lift my hips, but I have to be sure that I'm actually getting myself off and not just pleasing him. He knows the difference. As I rub myself with the toy, the sensations begin, and I wonder when I'll get so wet I'll drip down my inner thighs. Soon. Very soon.
Light touches and then harder ones. I know exactly where I want to be massaged with the vibrator, and I know that he wants to see, to know more exactly where I get my pleasure.
I feel the wetness from inside my cunt and reach for the curved blue long vibrator. I switch it on before putting it inside me. I fuck myself like he does - no pretense. He likes to be in me before I realize it and am ready. I feel the tip reach my cervix and push further. I run the smaller toy over and over, from underneath, the tip of my clit.
I'm writhing now, and trying to pull myself away from such pleasure. I can see him above me. He's got his cock in his hand, stroking quickly, and I mirror his movements. "Oh, baby, oh," I tell him, as I get closer to coming.
"You want my cock?" he asks me, and I absolutely do. "You'll have it once you get yourself off, and you better come before I do. Your timing determines how many people you will have tonight. They will fuck you and not care."
He hands me my toys, the ones he's seen in the drawer and sometimes, fully fitted with batteries and next to my bedside. "Tonight, you're going to get yourself off for me."
I take the smaller vibrator from him and warm it with my hands. I'm not good at showing off like this, because the stories I tell myself in my head are not always the fantasies I want to share. This real occasion is one of my favorites, and I want to be good for him - for me.
I reach down with the pink vibrator in my right hand and open myself with my left hand. I spread open my lips and touch the right side of my clit with the buzzing vibrator, feeling the sensation wrap around me. It makes me twitch and want to lift my hips, but I have to be sure that I'm actually getting myself off and not just pleasing him. He knows the difference. As I rub myself with the toy, the sensations begin, and I wonder when I'll get so wet I'll drip down my inner thighs. Soon. Very soon.
Light touches and then harder ones. I know exactly where I want to be massaged with the vibrator, and I know that he wants to see, to know more exactly where I get my pleasure.
I feel the wetness from inside my cunt and reach for the curved blue long vibrator. I switch it on before putting it inside me. I fuck myself like he does - no pretense. He likes to be in me before I realize it and am ready. I feel the tip reach my cervix and push further. I run the smaller toy over and over, from underneath, the tip of my clit.
I'm writhing now, and trying to pull myself away from such pleasure. I can see him above me. He's got his cock in his hand, stroking quickly, and I mirror his movements. "Oh, baby, oh," I tell him, as I get closer to coming.
"You want my cock?" he asks me, and I absolutely do. "You'll have it once you get yourself off, and you better come before I do. Your timing determines how many people you will have tonight. They will fuck you and not care."
16.11.09
First Night
As I rested my body across him, he posed a question. "Will you suck my cock?" he asked, and honestly, I giggled. He said, "Or laugh at me." I told him to give me few minutes. It had been a while since I'd been near his body, and I wanted to explore all of him before we started fucking.
I ran my fingers over his tattoos, tantalizing him. After a bit of touches and kisses, my fingers neared his belly button. Soon after, my mouth followed. I licked at him, wandering my hands, body, mouth, tongue.
Without even realizing where I was, I found my mouth at the base of his cock. HIS cock. The one I've adored forever. My first lap at him was perfection. His reaction was more so. I sucked him in, savoring his taste, his shape, his movements - to get him more comfortable.
On him, I sucked, and sucked, and sucked. He's so big - it's hard to take him in entirely. Yet his cock swelled under my tongue, and although I knew it would be perfection for him to come in my mouth, he pulled me away.
"Kiss me," he said. So I did. The taste of his mouth and his cock at the same time made me move over him.
"Put my cock into you," he said, and I guided him into my cunt. I was already wet, anticipating what I wanted to happen. I was astride him, feeling his cock hit my every depth. "Wait, no..." I exhaled, for he was so big that it almost hurt.
"Please, baby," I said, as I tried to raise myself over him again. His hands grabbed my hips and forced me down, to take him in fully. He hit my cervix and beyond again and again.
"Tell me that you're my slut - my slut wife," he told me. "I am," I panted, as I got closer to orgasm.
"TELL ME," he said. As I came, so hard, I said, "I am your slut wife. Any and every one."
I ran my fingers over his tattoos, tantalizing him. After a bit of touches and kisses, my fingers neared his belly button. Soon after, my mouth followed. I licked at him, wandering my hands, body, mouth, tongue.
Without even realizing where I was, I found my mouth at the base of his cock. HIS cock. The one I've adored forever. My first lap at him was perfection. His reaction was more so. I sucked him in, savoring his taste, his shape, his movements - to get him more comfortable.
On him, I sucked, and sucked, and sucked. He's so big - it's hard to take him in entirely. Yet his cock swelled under my tongue, and although I knew it would be perfection for him to come in my mouth, he pulled me away.
"Kiss me," he said. So I did. The taste of his mouth and his cock at the same time made me move over him.
"Put my cock into you," he said, and I guided him into my cunt. I was already wet, anticipating what I wanted to happen. I was astride him, feeling his cock hit my every depth. "Wait, no..." I exhaled, for he was so big that it almost hurt.
"Please, baby," I said, as I tried to raise myself over him again. His hands grabbed my hips and forced me down, to take him in fully. He hit my cervix and beyond again and again.
"Tell me that you're my slut - my slut wife," he told me. "I am," I panted, as I got closer to orgasm.
"TELL ME," he said. As I came, so hard, I said, "I am your slut wife. Any and every one."
28.10.09
8.10.09
From another night
I see you, looking at me as I walk toward another room. The image of you in the mirror is intoxicating. I add a different sway to my step, knowing you're absorbing every detail. Suddenly, you're next to me in the doorway.
"Lean back," you tell me, and I do. I don't know if you're trying to get past me - I don't know what you have on your mind.
My shoulders are against that doorway, and I can feel your hand arching my body into the position you want. Shoulders and ankles touching the wall. You dip under me, and I can see a glimpse of your hard cock moving toward me. As you enter me, without any introduction, I'm glad for the position in which you placed me. My knees buckle with pleasure. I also want to guide you further into me.
You feel so good in me. In this position, I can watch your face as you focus on my body. Once the tip of your cock reaches my cervix, I see you relax your face. You've got me now. You own me. Your length fills me; yet I grind to get you deeper.
"Oh, god," I say, as I squeeze you in me. "Oh, god!" I whisper as I know you're so deeply into me. "It's not god; it's me," you say, into my hair, as I feel the beginnings of orgasm.
The grin on your face as you fuck me in the doorway of my bathroom is all I need. I come, and keep coming, as I milk your cock with my cunt muscles.
The feeling of you coming into me makes me come again. I love this.
"Lean back," you tell me, and I do. I don't know if you're trying to get past me - I don't know what you have on your mind.
My shoulders are against that doorway, and I can feel your hand arching my body into the position you want. Shoulders and ankles touching the wall. You dip under me, and I can see a glimpse of your hard cock moving toward me. As you enter me, without any introduction, I'm glad for the position in which you placed me. My knees buckle with pleasure. I also want to guide you further into me.
You feel so good in me. In this position, I can watch your face as you focus on my body. Once the tip of your cock reaches my cervix, I see you relax your face. You've got me now. You own me. Your length fills me; yet I grind to get you deeper.
"Oh, god," I say, as I squeeze you in me. "Oh, god!" I whisper as I know you're so deeply into me. "It's not god; it's me," you say, into my hair, as I feel the beginnings of orgasm.
The grin on your face as you fuck me in the doorway of my bathroom is all I need. I come, and keep coming, as I milk your cock with my cunt muscles.
The feeling of you coming into me makes me come again. I love this.
12.9.09
The Boat
She was so excited to get away from her family, her friends. She had not been away, and her first thought was, "Is this OK?"
As her legs led her away from the homestead, her mind and body relaxed. It was a foreign feeling, yet it felt better than anything else she'd experienced. She focused on her calves, watching the tightness of the muscles, and laughed as she saw her hips move.
"Wow," she thought, "My body is almost separate from my self." As she moved closer to the sand, her focus turned more into her body. Parts of her wanted to be covered in the sand, yet she could hear her mother telling her that sand gets everywhere!
Fuck sand, she thought, as she walked on. In the distance, she saw the boats attached to the pier. "Gorgeous," she thought, as she moved in that direction. As she focused on her paces, the back part of her brain thought about the freedom that comes from being a passenger on a vessel.
She pulled back from the sand, dusting it off herself, as she began walking down the pier. The boats were overwhelming in their dominance. The ocean is so big, so wild, yet controllable.
A man came to the front of his sailboat to ask her, "Do you need help to find your ride?" "No", she said. "I don't have a particular place. I just like looking at the boats. There's so many things to see."
"Would you like to explore them with me?" he said. She looked more closely at the man who asked. He had denim shorts and a T-shirt on. He was fit - not perfectly built like she'd seen in magazines, but he had a full head of hair and a welcoming smile.
"OK," she said, as he reached for her hand to help her board. "Do you want to explore my raft?" he said, as she steadied her legs. "Yes! I've never been on a boat!"
He took her soft hand, and leaded her down to the lower deck of his boat. The boat started rocking, because his first mate knew to lead it to sea. She spread her legs to balance herself. "This is a gorgeous place - I want to see the top," she said. He replied, "The deck, you mean, and let's go."
On the deck, she watched the waves roll, the deck undulate, and it started to get to her. She found the front of the boat and laid back. The motions of the boat and the ocean made her move her body in the same rhythm. The man watched her, wondering how to make his move.
"Anything you need?" he said to her, his eyes attached to her curves. "No," she said, "but will you come sit near me?"
He could feel the blood rush to his cock as he positioned himself near her. "Thanks. I love the deck too."
She reached a hand to his upper arm. "It's move-y," she said. "Can I use you for balance?" "Yes. absolutely," he said, as he began to lean over her. "Does this help?"
"Yes," she said, as she maneuvered her body under his to stay stable. Her legs opened to wrap round his; she felt more confident that way. As she relaxed into position, it occurred to her that she was available.
"I've not done this," she said, "Yet it feels exactly right."
He grunted and moved to position himself. He wasn't able to talk; he knew how hard and ready he was, but he had to make her comfortable.
His positions made her raise her hips and rub his covered cock against her shorts. He knew better, yet he reached down to pull off her shorts. He was so hard and ready, but he didn't want to scare her.
To his relief, she guided his hand beyond her zipper and into her skin. "Oh, God," he thought, as she moved her hand onto the middle of his hard cock. She smiled, looking him in his eyes.
She reached down onto herself to finish her undressing, while she watched him twitch. "Oh, God," he thought again, as he pulled off the rest of his clothes. Her smile was enough. He positioned himself to enter her, fill her. Was he the first? He was about to find out.
With each thrust, he opened her, and every movement made her open her legs wider. "Oh, I am her first," he thought, and that made him harder and wanting more to come.
He reached under her hips, pulled her closer to him, as he flipped her over. "I want to come under you," he said, and this little girl smiled and leaned back, in order for her to feel his cock against her cervix.
"Am I her first? She knows too much..." he thought as he came, hard into her.
As her legs led her away from the homestead, her mind and body relaxed. It was a foreign feeling, yet it felt better than anything else she'd experienced. She focused on her calves, watching the tightness of the muscles, and laughed as she saw her hips move.
"Wow," she thought, "My body is almost separate from my self." As she moved closer to the sand, her focus turned more into her body. Parts of her wanted to be covered in the sand, yet she could hear her mother telling her that sand gets everywhere!
Fuck sand, she thought, as she walked on. In the distance, she saw the boats attached to the pier. "Gorgeous," she thought, as she moved in that direction. As she focused on her paces, the back part of her brain thought about the freedom that comes from being a passenger on a vessel.
She pulled back from the sand, dusting it off herself, as she began walking down the pier. The boats were overwhelming in their dominance. The ocean is so big, so wild, yet controllable.
A man came to the front of his sailboat to ask her, "Do you need help to find your ride?" "No", she said. "I don't have a particular place. I just like looking at the boats. There's so many things to see."
"Would you like to explore them with me?" he said. She looked more closely at the man who asked. He had denim shorts and a T-shirt on. He was fit - not perfectly built like she'd seen in magazines, but he had a full head of hair and a welcoming smile.
"OK," she said, as he reached for her hand to help her board. "Do you want to explore my raft?" he said, as she steadied her legs. "Yes! I've never been on a boat!"
He took her soft hand, and leaded her down to the lower deck of his boat. The boat started rocking, because his first mate knew to lead it to sea. She spread her legs to balance herself. "This is a gorgeous place - I want to see the top," she said. He replied, "The deck, you mean, and let's go."
On the deck, she watched the waves roll, the deck undulate, and it started to get to her. She found the front of the boat and laid back. The motions of the boat and the ocean made her move her body in the same rhythm. The man watched her, wondering how to make his move.
"Anything you need?" he said to her, his eyes attached to her curves. "No," she said, "but will you come sit near me?"
He could feel the blood rush to his cock as he positioned himself near her. "Thanks. I love the deck too."
She reached a hand to his upper arm. "It's move-y," she said. "Can I use you for balance?" "Yes. absolutely," he said, as he began to lean over her. "Does this help?"
"Yes," she said, as she maneuvered her body under his to stay stable. Her legs opened to wrap round his; she felt more confident that way. As she relaxed into position, it occurred to her that she was available.
"I've not done this," she said, "Yet it feels exactly right."
He grunted and moved to position himself. He wasn't able to talk; he knew how hard and ready he was, but he had to make her comfortable.
His positions made her raise her hips and rub his covered cock against her shorts. He knew better, yet he reached down to pull off her shorts. He was so hard and ready, but he didn't want to scare her.
To his relief, she guided his hand beyond her zipper and into her skin. "Oh, God," he thought, as she moved her hand onto the middle of his hard cock. She smiled, looking him in his eyes.
She reached down onto herself to finish her undressing, while she watched him twitch. "Oh, God," he thought again, as he pulled off the rest of his clothes. Her smile was enough. He positioned himself to enter her, fill her. Was he the first? He was about to find out.
With each thrust, he opened her, and every movement made her open her legs wider. "Oh, I am her first," he thought, and that made him harder and wanting more to come.
He reached under her hips, pulled her closer to him, as he flipped her over. "I want to come under you," he said, and this little girl smiled and leaned back, in order for her to feel his cock against her cervix.
"Am I her first? She knows too much..." he thought as he came, hard into her.
29.8.09
A Pretty Thing
I want to bring home a new girl, young, inexperienced, but so curious, so you can ravage her. I will be there the entire time. You will explore her body, your tongue dancing over her nipples, your hands running down to her clit. Explore her, baby, make her desire overcome her shyness. As you make her come for the first time, I run my hand over your cock. My fingers are damp from the wetness of my mouth, for I know what to do next. I will glide my hand over your glorious cock, which thickens and tightens under my embrace. I pull you closer to this sweet girl's pussy, which is ready for you while her mind is not. As I feed your cock to her pussy, I begin to kiss her, to make her relax in readiness for you in her.
Oh, baby, I love watching you fuck her. Open her wider with each thrust. Because I want to see you on your back as she begins to work her body over yours, I keep my fingers on that gorgeous clit of hers. She lies back, taking you in further. You tell me, "She's so tight, oh, god, she's so tight." Keep going, baby. Fuck her more open, and more, and more, until you're against her cervix and I can see with each withdrawal that your cock is tightening up and getting ready to come.
"Not yet, baby," I say, as I position her over you. I want to see that swelling cock of yours underneath her, so she is greedy for you in her and is fucking you. I put my hands around her hips to push her more deeply into her, and finally, oh, finally, I can feel her twitch and get ready for her orgasm.
Baby, raise your hips and slaughter her cervix. As I keep my hands on her hips, keep her riding your cock, she finally explodes, coming and coming on your cock. "Now," I tell you, as you thrust up under her and come in her pussy, so much come that you have to pull back.
Oh, baby, I love watching you fuck her. Open her wider with each thrust. Because I want to see you on your back as she begins to work her body over yours, I keep my fingers on that gorgeous clit of hers. She lies back, taking you in further. You tell me, "She's so tight, oh, god, she's so tight." Keep going, baby. Fuck her more open, and more, and more, until you're against her cervix and I can see with each withdrawal that your cock is tightening up and getting ready to come.
"Not yet, baby," I say, as I position her over you. I want to see that swelling cock of yours underneath her, so she is greedy for you in her and is fucking you. I put my hands around her hips to push her more deeply into her, and finally, oh, finally, I can feel her twitch and get ready for her orgasm.
Baby, raise your hips and slaughter her cervix. As I keep my hands on her hips, keep her riding your cock, she finally explodes, coming and coming on your cock. "Now," I tell you, as you thrust up under her and come in her pussy, so much come that you have to pull back.
21.8.09
Vignette
We're sitting at a pub of some sort, on an oversized bench that somehow reminds me of a seesaw turned sideways. You're next to me but won't touch me, so I stay where I am and sip my beer. As time goes by, you move closer, inch by inch. I'm happy but I know that I can't initiate contact. You're forbidden to me. We're just friends now, and if that is all I can have, then that's fine. I'd rather have you near me in friendship than away from me entirely.
Still, you get closer, and finally, as I raise my left arm to make a point, you raise your right arm and hold it against mine. The electricity is there, yet I can feel myself relax against you.
You get up and walk away. When you return, you straddle me and pull me close to you. Your arms entwine around my stomach, and I can feel your left hand slide down my pants, fingers recognizing that I'm not wearing anything beneath them. I can feel your cock harden against my ass, and I move about, to fit you in more closely behind me.
"You ever done it in public?" you grumble into my ear. "Not yet," I whisper, as I feel your fingers enter me.
Your insistent fingers, dancing against the walls of me, teasing, filling, make me lean my head forward, try to curl up more tightly, as you lean against my back and breathe against my neck.
As the band plays onstage, and people start to notice what you're doing to me, I come. Quietly at first, then more loudly. This is what you do to me. I lose control under your fingers, so deep in me now, and the final recesses of orgasm overtake me. I collapse against you, catching my breath, as you look around at the people watching us and grin.
Still, you get closer, and finally, as I raise my left arm to make a point, you raise your right arm and hold it against mine. The electricity is there, yet I can feel myself relax against you.
You get up and walk away. When you return, you straddle me and pull me close to you. Your arms entwine around my stomach, and I can feel your left hand slide down my pants, fingers recognizing that I'm not wearing anything beneath them. I can feel your cock harden against my ass, and I move about, to fit you in more closely behind me.
"You ever done it in public?" you grumble into my ear. "Not yet," I whisper, as I feel your fingers enter me.
Your insistent fingers, dancing against the walls of me, teasing, filling, make me lean my head forward, try to curl up more tightly, as you lean against my back and breathe against my neck.
As the band plays onstage, and people start to notice what you're doing to me, I come. Quietly at first, then more loudly. This is what you do to me. I lose control under your fingers, so deep in me now, and the final recesses of orgasm overtake me. I collapse against you, catching my breath, as you look around at the people watching us and grin.
8.8.09
Where I Belong
Strapped down, pulled so far apart. A cock in my cunt, making me move upward to receive. Until...until...I'm so far up and open that there's another moving into my ass. So full; I can feel both in me, pushing me further open to take me more deeply. And another, yours, forcing my mouth open and pushing its way down my throat. I am full and all I can do is try to raise my body to move away - but there's no escape from being fully fucked.
My skin on fire; it doesn't matter where I'm touched, I can feel that sensation transmit directly to my clit. My clit, oh, I run my fingers down over my gorgeous clit while I am endlessly used. You, with your cock in my mouth, can feel me moan against you as I come. Again, and again. So much, so open, everywhere on my body is an erogenous zone.
My skin on fire; it doesn't matter where I'm touched, I can feel that sensation transmit directly to my clit. My clit, oh, I run my fingers down over my gorgeous clit while I am endlessly used. You, with your cock in my mouth, can feel me moan against you as I come. Again, and again. So much, so open, everywhere on my body is an erogenous zone.
2.8.09
My Neck
That look on your face. I'll never forget how you looked at me as you moved closer to me. Your eyes full of intensity combined with laughter. You know what I will experience and I do not. I begin to get nervous, my hands twitch a little as my knees dip. "Oh, honey, you should worry," you tell me as your approach and begin to run your fingers through my long dark hair. With a smile and a light kiss, you push me back. I try to stay still. I try not to fall back. I want to distract you from your plan because your eyes have scared me.
With one slap to the chest, I fall back. "It'll never work; why don't you just let me have you as I will? DO NOT ANSWER ME."
No foreplay, nothing to prepare me for the sudden feeling of fullness in my cunt. You're already in me, and it hurts, but my body begins to obey as it must. Harder you hit me, trying again to get past my cervix and full me entirely with you. I push back, meeting your rhythm so you can get the full feeling of me wrapped around your cock. I lift my chest to meet yours, rising from under you.
"Close your eyes," you command, and I lie back down and obey. I feel your hands on my neck, rubbing at first, feeling for the pressure points. My heart races as your fingers get near my jugular, but you then move away and massage the back of my neck, all while thrusting into me so deeply that I reach down to pull my legs even further apart. I'm lost in the sensation of your cock in me, your hands on my neck, your smell.
I feel your hands tighten around my neck and I twist, trying to get away from the pressure. I hear you chuckle as your fingers tighten. I can still breathe but I am now absolutely afraid. "Please," I whisper to you, "Please, don't". One hand is taken away, but before I can register it, you slap my face. Just as quickly, the hand goes back to my throat and tightens, just on that side, to remind me to behave.
Your thrusts get faster and I can feel my cunt get even wetter as my orgasm approaches. My neck, still trying to move away from your fingers, raises and lowers. But your cock in me, your body over me moving against my clit, oh, I don't think I can stop. The pleasure begins to outweigh the fear, and I have to come, come, oome so hard. The last thing I feel is your hands finally pushing against my neck as I whimper out my appreciation.
With one slap to the chest, I fall back. "It'll never work; why don't you just let me have you as I will? DO NOT ANSWER ME."
No foreplay, nothing to prepare me for the sudden feeling of fullness in my cunt. You're already in me, and it hurts, but my body begins to obey as it must. Harder you hit me, trying again to get past my cervix and full me entirely with you. I push back, meeting your rhythm so you can get the full feeling of me wrapped around your cock. I lift my chest to meet yours, rising from under you.
"Close your eyes," you command, and I lie back down and obey. I feel your hands on my neck, rubbing at first, feeling for the pressure points. My heart races as your fingers get near my jugular, but you then move away and massage the back of my neck, all while thrusting into me so deeply that I reach down to pull my legs even further apart. I'm lost in the sensation of your cock in me, your hands on my neck, your smell.
I feel your hands tighten around my neck and I twist, trying to get away from the pressure. I hear you chuckle as your fingers tighten. I can still breathe but I am now absolutely afraid. "Please," I whisper to you, "Please, don't". One hand is taken away, but before I can register it, you slap my face. Just as quickly, the hand goes back to my throat and tightens, just on that side, to remind me to behave.
Your thrusts get faster and I can feel my cunt get even wetter as my orgasm approaches. My neck, still trying to move away from your fingers, raises and lowers. But your cock in me, your body over me moving against my clit, oh, I don't think I can stop. The pleasure begins to outweigh the fear, and I have to come, come, oome so hard. The last thing I feel is your hands finally pushing against my neck as I whimper out my appreciation.
1.8.09
The Belt
You tell me, "Go into the other room and take off your top." I move quickly, because your voice has a determination in it. I get into what is essentially a closet and pull off my top and my bra. I know better than to wait for a second instruction.
You enter, and look me over. "Good girl," you tell me, as you begin to remove your belt. I know that you want to thrash me again. I begin to move into positions where I know you love to hit me. "Stay still," you command. I do.
As you entwine your belt in your hand, you approach me. You lean in close, very close, to my face, as you run the belt around my waist. I stay still, because this is different, and different generally means that I make mistakes. I don't want to make a mistake, so I pull my waist in more closely. Therein lies my fear.
You pull the notches tightly, more and more closely, until I'm cinched. I cannot take a deep breath, and the end of the belt is in your hands. You pull me near you, and push my chest back. Still, I cannot breathe deeply, but I know that this position is one of your favorites. All of my cunt and clit are before you, and I am only available if you allow me.
As you pull off my skirt, you turn me over. The belt twisting over me hurts, it runs against my skin, but I still enjoy the movement. Finally, you pull out your cock, and I can hear it, hear you losing your clothes, and anticipation makes me wet.
You slide your cock into me, as I'm so lifted above by your hand on the belt. I'm almost bent into two. God, baby, I lean back into you so I can ave you fill me. You move and I move; you lean back and I reach for you. Finally, the hard thrusts come. Your other hand moves over my clit, and maybe, please, maybe, I can come.
Then I feel your hand move away from my clit and your cock from my clit. At the same time, you push me down, just a bit, as you put your cock to my ass. I've already got your cock wet as you push, lightly, into my ass. Lightly doesn't work, as I am too tight to take you. You then push hard, too hard, but at the same time, release the belt. As I relax, I expand.
This is when you can finally enter me, deep, so deep...and your arms around my waist as you fuck me. Please, baby, please finish in. And finish me.
Your explosion in me and your release and relaxation make me feel perfect. I love your weight on me. I love you.
You enter, and look me over. "Good girl," you tell me, as you begin to remove your belt. I know that you want to thrash me again. I begin to move into positions where I know you love to hit me. "Stay still," you command. I do.
As you entwine your belt in your hand, you approach me. You lean in close, very close, to my face, as you run the belt around my waist. I stay still, because this is different, and different generally means that I make mistakes. I don't want to make a mistake, so I pull my waist in more closely. Therein lies my fear.
You pull the notches tightly, more and more closely, until I'm cinched. I cannot take a deep breath, and the end of the belt is in your hands. You pull me near you, and push my chest back. Still, I cannot breathe deeply, but I know that this position is one of your favorites. All of my cunt and clit are before you, and I am only available if you allow me.
As you pull off my skirt, you turn me over. The belt twisting over me hurts, it runs against my skin, but I still enjoy the movement. Finally, you pull out your cock, and I can hear it, hear you losing your clothes, and anticipation makes me wet.
You slide your cock into me, as I'm so lifted above by your hand on the belt. I'm almost bent into two. God, baby, I lean back into you so I can ave you fill me. You move and I move; you lean back and I reach for you. Finally, the hard thrusts come. Your other hand moves over my clit, and maybe, please, maybe, I can come.
Then I feel your hand move away from my clit and your cock from my clit. At the same time, you push me down, just a bit, as you put your cock to my ass. I've already got your cock wet as you push, lightly, into my ass. Lightly doesn't work, as I am too tight to take you. You then push hard, too hard, but at the same time, release the belt. As I relax, I expand.
This is when you can finally enter me, deep, so deep...and your arms around my waist as you fuck me. Please, baby, please finish in. And finish me.
Your explosion in me and your release and relaxation make me feel perfect. I love your weight on me. I love you.
14.6.09
Men's Room
I'm sitting in the bar, watching the fruitful and occasionally fruitless flirting happening around me. You've left me for a while now, because you need to see who's interested in a game. By now, I'm engaged in the same games - the glances, the quick smiles, the eyes running over their bodies.
My phone rings. "I'm calling from the men's room. Get here now," you tell me, and I balance on my heels while trying to gracefully slide the barstool back. I'm nothing if not trying to be graceful. Once arranged, I stride to the back of the room, carefully working both of my walks. I know this pleases you, my ability to have a forward walk, for those who see me approach, and a backwards walk, for those who see me exit. It's not easy to combine the two, but I manage.
I never question entering the men's room. I know better than to react. You're leaning against a closed stall, against that door. In front of you are mirrors and urinals. "Get down," you tell me, and I drop to my knees. There are men in there and they almost pull away from their business to watch me obey your command. I hope that they don't get too distracted; I know what this will mean.
You love showing me off. I love performing for you, even when it embarrasses me. Using just my mouth, I unbutton your pants and start pulling them down. I can smell your body now, and I lose my inhibitions are I get closer to your cock. Teeth first, I pull you into my mouth. The first taste of you is intoxicating; I sigh some as I feel you, so familiar and perfect, in me.
Suddenly I become aware of a pair of eyes watching me. I hear him inhale, deeply, and then start laughing. My self-awareness comes back and I pull away from you. "Don't you dare, my girl," you say to me, yet at the same time I can feel you stand a bit taller, and I know what you're threatening.
"Jealous?" you bark over my body to this miscreant. "If you'd only shown some respect, you might'd had her too." Grateful, I lean closer to your body and being to pull your cock deep into my throat. Thank you for defending me, I think, as I suck you in as deeply as I can. For my work in being grateful, I will earn you inside my cunt. For now, I love running my tongue over you, using my suction to entice you, and when you come in me, I feel marked by you. Marked as yours.
My phone rings. "I'm calling from the men's room. Get here now," you tell me, and I balance on my heels while trying to gracefully slide the barstool back. I'm nothing if not trying to be graceful. Once arranged, I stride to the back of the room, carefully working both of my walks. I know this pleases you, my ability to have a forward walk, for those who see me approach, and a backwards walk, for those who see me exit. It's not easy to combine the two, but I manage.
I never question entering the men's room. I know better than to react. You're leaning against a closed stall, against that door. In front of you are mirrors and urinals. "Get down," you tell me, and I drop to my knees. There are men in there and they almost pull away from their business to watch me obey your command. I hope that they don't get too distracted; I know what this will mean.
You love showing me off. I love performing for you, even when it embarrasses me. Using just my mouth, I unbutton your pants and start pulling them down. I can smell your body now, and I lose my inhibitions are I get closer to your cock. Teeth first, I pull you into my mouth. The first taste of you is intoxicating; I sigh some as I feel you, so familiar and perfect, in me.
Suddenly I become aware of a pair of eyes watching me. I hear him inhale, deeply, and then start laughing. My self-awareness comes back and I pull away from you. "Don't you dare, my girl," you say to me, yet at the same time I can feel you stand a bit taller, and I know what you're threatening.
"Jealous?" you bark over my body to this miscreant. "If you'd only shown some respect, you might'd had her too." Grateful, I lean closer to your body and being to pull your cock deep into my throat. Thank you for defending me, I think, as I suck you in as deeply as I can. For my work in being grateful, I will earn you inside my cunt. For now, I love running my tongue over you, using my suction to entice you, and when you come in me, I feel marked by you. Marked as yours.
11.6.09
I lie back, running my hands down my body as I do so. I love the curve of my breasts, the way my hips start to move as I run my hands down further. We're playing a new game tonight, a game that shames me and excites me in equal measures.
"Daddy, I found a place on me that feels good to the touch," I say, as you look over my body. "Show me," you say. I'm a little embarrassed, but my skin is so good to my touch. I run my ring finger over my left nipple. Over and over, until the tip begins to rise. "I can put it into my mouth, but I can't suck on it," I say to you. "Show me," you say. I do. I pull my breast into my mouth and run my tongue over my nipple, again and again, as I look into your face. "Look!" I say, and blow my breath over my nipple, making it harder.
"Good girl," you say to me, as I start to move my right hand over my hip. It's such a good feeling, to see my Daddy watch me touch my own body. I can see the pleasure in your eyes as I explore myself.
"Did you know this would happen?" I ask, because I've never seen such a look of intensity on your face. "Of course," Daddy tells me. "Now show me what else you've learned about you."
I run my left hand further down my body, over my stomach, my hip, and down towards my... "Daddy, it feels so good to touch myself here, is it OK?" "Yes, baby," you tell me, as I see you position yourself over me. "Now, my precious little girl, relax, and let me show you how good it can be," you tell me.
"Daddy, I found a place on me that feels good to the touch," I say, as you look over my body. "Show me," you say. I'm a little embarrassed, but my skin is so good to my touch. I run my ring finger over my left nipple. Over and over, until the tip begins to rise. "I can put it into my mouth, but I can't suck on it," I say to you. "Show me," you say. I do. I pull my breast into my mouth and run my tongue over my nipple, again and again, as I look into your face. "Look!" I say, and blow my breath over my nipple, making it harder.
"Good girl," you say to me, as I start to move my right hand over my hip. It's such a good feeling, to see my Daddy watch me touch my own body. I can see the pleasure in your eyes as I explore myself.
"Did you know this would happen?" I ask, because I've never seen such a look of intensity on your face. "Of course," Daddy tells me. "Now show me what else you've learned about you."
I run my left hand further down my body, over my stomach, my hip, and down towards my... "Daddy, it feels so good to touch myself here, is it OK?" "Yes, baby," you tell me, as I see you position yourself over me. "Now, my precious little girl, relax, and let me show you how good it can be," you tell me.
22.5.09
I envision me on my back, hair splayed behind my head, as you kneel on my hair to hold my head still. You lean forward to slide your cock down my throat. I cannot escape feeling you get deeper into me. You then run one, two, more fingers into my cunt, until you can get your hand into me. I am full of you and escape myself, become one only with my body and the sensations you give me.
8.5.09
In The Movie Now
There is no glory in trying to make love to men who only know how to fuck
Man, after man, after man, after man
Raised on porn
Out all day while he's been watching two dollar videos
Now piled by the VCR
Out all day
At work, at class, at the gym
While he's been making plans
Out all day, returning with bags of bread, and tomatoes, and bluefish for what you think will be dinner
Dinner is you
And you are nothing like the dead eyed, blonde women he's been watching
You're in the movie now
He is nothing like you remember
No time for a condom, take a pill, or put in a diaphragm
Those girls never get pregnant anyway
What are you trying to do?
Clothes cannot come off fast enough get them off get them off
Shoes are always left on you don't know why
You're in the movie now
You used to scrape your nails against the walls
Leaving streaks like scars of where you wanted to stay
And where he took you
Now you just go
It'll be over in ten minutes twenty at most
A black envelope closes with you inside
You're in the movie now
He winds your hair around his fist like a roll
And keeps it nailed to the bed
You swear you'll cut your hair tomorrow you swear you'll cut your hair tomorrow
You still swim in memories sometimes
It wasn't always like this, was it?
You are becoming stone
Stone desires nothing
Stone cannot be moved
Stone can only be worn down
Little by little
Close your eyes and think of England
You are tucked in for the fucking
You're in the movie now
There is no beauty in being held face down on a bed of sheets that tear beneath you
And you are wearing him like a country you haven't the strength to carry
You're in the movie now
You don't fight he takes it from you
He takes it from you he takes it from you
Now it isn't yours how could it be
It isn't yours anymore never will be again
One eye open focusing on a window
Years of this and you don't even say anything anymore
This is how it is how it will always be
You're in the movie now
It doesn't hurt anymore
You're shut down examining fibers in the pillowcase
Counting them until he's finished
Seventy-seven, seventy-eight, seventy-nine
He says look at me look at me it's no good unless you look at me
You look right through him look at your bookshelf
Your grandmother's patio your list of things to do this weekend
The basil is drying by the window
He says if you cry it makes him angry
I fuck better when I'm angry
You know you know he says it every time
You learn not to cry
You are startled that he's doing this to you
You are startled that he knows how
You are startled that you stay
Know that you would tell a friend to kill him if he did this to her
Your mouth is on fire with possibilities
You say nothing
You shut down your body one limb at a time
Like you learned in drama class relaxation exercises
Absence of pain makes anything possible
Because you are pretty you are possessed
You too are alone
Owner and owned
You used to confuse this with caring
You used to confuse these with caresses desire doesn't live here anymore desire doesn't live here anymore
You are turned over and over
Backstrokes in your own blood
Horses have been christened with less
There is no glory here
Only bloodstains and apologies that come with the stroking
Only throwing up in a sink
You'll have to scrub out later
- Nicole Blackman
Man, after man, after man, after man
Raised on porn
Out all day while he's been watching two dollar videos
Now piled by the VCR
Out all day
At work, at class, at the gym
While he's been making plans
Out all day, returning with bags of bread, and tomatoes, and bluefish for what you think will be dinner
Dinner is you
And you are nothing like the dead eyed, blonde women he's been watching
You're in the movie now
He is nothing like you remember
No time for a condom, take a pill, or put in a diaphragm
Those girls never get pregnant anyway
What are you trying to do?
Clothes cannot come off fast enough get them off get them off
Shoes are always left on you don't know why
You're in the movie now
You used to scrape your nails against the walls
Leaving streaks like scars of where you wanted to stay
And where he took you
Now you just go
It'll be over in ten minutes twenty at most
A black envelope closes with you inside
You're in the movie now
He winds your hair around his fist like a roll
And keeps it nailed to the bed
You swear you'll cut your hair tomorrow you swear you'll cut your hair tomorrow
You still swim in memories sometimes
It wasn't always like this, was it?
You are becoming stone
Stone desires nothing
Stone cannot be moved
Stone can only be worn down
Little by little
Close your eyes and think of England
You are tucked in for the fucking
You're in the movie now
There is no beauty in being held face down on a bed of sheets that tear beneath you
And you are wearing him like a country you haven't the strength to carry
You're in the movie now
You don't fight he takes it from you
He takes it from you he takes it from you
Now it isn't yours how could it be
It isn't yours anymore never will be again
One eye open focusing on a window
Years of this and you don't even say anything anymore
This is how it is how it will always be
You're in the movie now
It doesn't hurt anymore
You're shut down examining fibers in the pillowcase
Counting them until he's finished
Seventy-seven, seventy-eight, seventy-nine
He says look at me look at me it's no good unless you look at me
You look right through him look at your bookshelf
Your grandmother's patio your list of things to do this weekend
The basil is drying by the window
He says if you cry it makes him angry
I fuck better when I'm angry
You know you know he says it every time
You learn not to cry
You are startled that he's doing this to you
You are startled that he knows how
You are startled that you stay
Know that you would tell a friend to kill him if he did this to her
Your mouth is on fire with possibilities
You say nothing
You shut down your body one limb at a time
Like you learned in drama class relaxation exercises
Absence of pain makes anything possible
Because you are pretty you are possessed
You too are alone
Owner and owned
You used to confuse this with caring
You used to confuse these with caresses desire doesn't live here anymore desire doesn't live here anymore
You are turned over and over
Backstrokes in your own blood
Horses have been christened with less
There is no glory here
Only bloodstains and apologies that come with the stroking
Only throwing up in a sink
You'll have to scrub out later
- Nicole Blackman
27.4.09
Phone Call
Today's conversation:
Me: You don't want someone living here who makes me nervous and wants to hurt me, do you?
My Him: No. That's my job.
Later...
My Him: OK, I'm here. Do you want me to call you when I'm done?
Me: Yes, please.
My Him: God, I love it when you say that to me. Especially when I'm doing something nice for you.
Me: And a phone call is always nice to get from you.
My Him: That's not what I meant.
Me: I know.
My Him: Mmmm...good girl.
Me: You don't want someone living here who makes me nervous and wants to hurt me, do you?
My Him: No. That's my job.
Later...
My Him: OK, I'm here. Do you want me to call you when I'm done?
Me: Yes, please.
My Him: God, I love it when you say that to me. Especially when I'm doing something nice for you.
Me: And a phone call is always nice to get from you.
My Him: That's not what I meant.
Me: I know.
My Him: Mmmm...good girl.
19.4.09
Oh, holy hell
This is short.
I made a mistake on Friday. My Him was whipping me, and oh, how it hurt. I held on as best as I could - I tried to remember that he'd never hurt me more than I could manage, but I finally said, "Please, baby, please, no more."
The beating stopped, and I could almost hear him do the same. He paused and took a breath. "What did you say to me?" he asked, and I could hear the anger in his voice. Before I could respond (and I knew better but I can be willful) he told me, "You're getting 5 more. And you will count them down."
I waited, waited to receive another lash, when he said, "Go." I started, "One." Oh, the anger in him was so strong...
I made it to 4 without collapsing. Down off my elbows, tears mixing with the sweat running down my face, I could only mouth the word 5.
I made a mistake on Friday. My Him was whipping me, and oh, how it hurt. I held on as best as I could - I tried to remember that he'd never hurt me more than I could manage, but I finally said, "Please, baby, please, no more."
The beating stopped, and I could almost hear him do the same. He paused and took a breath. "What did you say to me?" he asked, and I could hear the anger in his voice. Before I could respond (and I knew better but I can be willful) he told me, "You're getting 5 more. And you will count them down."
I waited, waited to receive another lash, when he said, "Go." I started, "One." Oh, the anger in him was so strong...
I made it to 4 without collapsing. Down off my elbows, tears mixing with the sweat running down my face, I could only mouth the word 5.
16.4.09
The whole story
As promised, here's how the evening went down:
I met some friends at a bar that's built into a cave for cocktails. What a gorgeous place; it keeps everyone off balance, and not only because the floor isn't level.
I got ready by reapplying all my makeup, and when I went downstairs in my indigo jeans, deep green V-neck shirt, and sparkly black heels, one of my friends simply said, "You look gorgeous."
The one I wanted to see (let's call him Previous) was late. I was already into my second Cosmo when he arrived. I stood to hug him, and he kissed my cheek. Interesting, I thought. All of us talked - let me tell you the layout: There were two loveseats and a throne-styled chair at the opposite side. Previous and I were directly across from each other, about a long-ways coffee table apart. At first, it was easy. I talked with my more proximate friends, he with his. Yet, at each chance, we looked at each other. Glances at the beginning, then meaningful, close, overly long eye contact. We just couldn't help it, although I'm not sure if initially it was curiosity or attraction.
Finally, he said, "I want to ask you some questions, but I need to go." I told him to get over here and ask me. He came back with refills, and I kicked away the guy next to me. Previous sat so close to me that I could feel my thigh get warm with his body heat. We watched each other more than anything, barely speaking, not able to banter as we used to.
After a few beats, we relaxed and rehashed our entire relationship. His first question: "Do you remember the couch? Oh, how we used to fuck on that couch." Of course I remembered. I asked him if he remembered breaking his bed, or how he broke up a party at his house to be near me. He did. He asked if I remembered fucking all over my parents' house. Good lord, yes. It was amazing to know that he remembered the same things I did. He finally said, "Oh, we didn't fuck, we made love." I rolled my eyes at Previous and said, "Baby, we fucked." He smiled at me.
By then, I was running my fingers over his thighs, hiding it by crossing my leg over his. He was getting twitchy; he finally looked over and said, "The electricity, oh, god, the electricity's still there."
I knew then that I wanted him, preferably in an alley outside the cave bar. Yet we had friends there who wouldn't go away. After awkward conversations and texts and all, Previous and I finally made it outside. There was nowhere to go and limited time to spend together. There were kisses while leaning on the trunk of my car. We finally got into the front of my car and kissed and groped, and oh, god, kissed. I ran my hand over his cock, still encased in his jeans. He tried to pull my hand in. I gasped, "Help me." He opened his zipper and I started to rub his cock, and it became familiar again. I knew where to touch, where to apply pressure. He pulled my hand away, then looked at his cock and then at me.
"You want it, don't you?" I asked. "You want my mouth on you." I leaned down to suck him into me. It took some time, but I remembered the rhythm that Previous preferred, and he came quickly the first time. He has some of the best-tasting come I've ever had, and I thought he wasn't done, so I kept at him. Sucking, licking, running my tongue over his cock, and when he wrapped his hands into my hair and pulled me down too quickly, I'd pull away and run my tongue over the slit of his cock, so I could catch my breath. Oh, it was glorious to take him into me, and finally feel his cock move in the way that I knew that meant his orgasm was eminent. He pulled my hair and head closer, and when he finally came into my mouth, oh, it was perfect.
Once done, I licked his cock clean and when I pulled back up, he grabbed my head again and kissed me, over and over again. We continued kissing for a while, forever, but not long enough.
As I drove away, I listened to Chaka Khan's, "I Feel For You."
I met some friends at a bar that's built into a cave for cocktails. What a gorgeous place; it keeps everyone off balance, and not only because the floor isn't level.
I got ready by reapplying all my makeup, and when I went downstairs in my indigo jeans, deep green V-neck shirt, and sparkly black heels, one of my friends simply said, "You look gorgeous."
The one I wanted to see (let's call him Previous) was late. I was already into my second Cosmo when he arrived. I stood to hug him, and he kissed my cheek. Interesting, I thought. All of us talked - let me tell you the layout: There were two loveseats and a throne-styled chair at the opposite side. Previous and I were directly across from each other, about a long-ways coffee table apart. At first, it was easy. I talked with my more proximate friends, he with his. Yet, at each chance, we looked at each other. Glances at the beginning, then meaningful, close, overly long eye contact. We just couldn't help it, although I'm not sure if initially it was curiosity or attraction.
Finally, he said, "I want to ask you some questions, but I need to go." I told him to get over here and ask me. He came back with refills, and I kicked away the guy next to me. Previous sat so close to me that I could feel my thigh get warm with his body heat. We watched each other more than anything, barely speaking, not able to banter as we used to.
After a few beats, we relaxed and rehashed our entire relationship. His first question: "Do you remember the couch? Oh, how we used to fuck on that couch." Of course I remembered. I asked him if he remembered breaking his bed, or how he broke up a party at his house to be near me. He did. He asked if I remembered fucking all over my parents' house. Good lord, yes. It was amazing to know that he remembered the same things I did. He finally said, "Oh, we didn't fuck, we made love." I rolled my eyes at Previous and said, "Baby, we fucked." He smiled at me.
By then, I was running my fingers over his thighs, hiding it by crossing my leg over his. He was getting twitchy; he finally looked over and said, "The electricity, oh, god, the electricity's still there."
I knew then that I wanted him, preferably in an alley outside the cave bar. Yet we had friends there who wouldn't go away. After awkward conversations and texts and all, Previous and I finally made it outside. There was nowhere to go and limited time to spend together. There were kisses while leaning on the trunk of my car. We finally got into the front of my car and kissed and groped, and oh, god, kissed. I ran my hand over his cock, still encased in his jeans. He tried to pull my hand in. I gasped, "Help me." He opened his zipper and I started to rub his cock, and it became familiar again. I knew where to touch, where to apply pressure. He pulled my hand away, then looked at his cock and then at me.
"You want it, don't you?" I asked. "You want my mouth on you." I leaned down to suck him into me. It took some time, but I remembered the rhythm that Previous preferred, and he came quickly the first time. He has some of the best-tasting come I've ever had, and I thought he wasn't done, so I kept at him. Sucking, licking, running my tongue over his cock, and when he wrapped his hands into my hair and pulled me down too quickly, I'd pull away and run my tongue over the slit of his cock, so I could catch my breath. Oh, it was glorious to take him into me, and finally feel his cock move in the way that I knew that meant his orgasm was eminent. He pulled my hair and head closer, and when he finally came into my mouth, oh, it was perfect.
Once done, I licked his cock clean and when I pulled back up, he grabbed my head again and kissed me, over and over again. We continued kissing for a while, forever, but not long enough.
As I drove away, I listened to Chaka Khan's, "I Feel For You."
10.4.09
Free-flowing thoughts
It's been quite a week. Suck it up, kids, it's not going to be a normal post, but this is a place where I can freely write.
- I blew my ex this week. I made him come twice with one blowjob. Either I'm really fucking good or he's not getting it right. Following him on FB is odd, and I'm guessing that the message I just sent to him won't be good. Or maybe it will. He got to get off, and I didn't. Yes, his wedding is next month - good on him! - but I'd still like to finish what we started.
- I would have been able to fuck him had not another friend decided to stick around the entire time. I finally said, "You look spent, are you sure you don't want to pack it in?" He replied, "Are you trying to get rid of me?" I answered, "Yes." Still, he didn't leave. So for all of you guys who say that women don't tell you what they want, I say, "FUCK YOU."
- When I told one of my friends what I've done, I could hear her audibly inhale. Like I don't feel badly enough, because figuring out how to balance my life and my relationships against the traditional ones is hard. And for those of you who think that I'm just buying in to what's been to taught to all of us, I reiterate, "FUCK YOU."
- I am an incurable flirt. I so enjoyed this ex's company. I found it interesting that I didn't find him as physically attractive as I used to, but still, the chemistry was still there.
- He called it "electricity". That made me want him more.
OK, OK, I'll write the whole story soon.
I need butcher paper, two pieces, so I can create my tombstomb.
One last: While I was there, I almost called my ex by my Him's name. I think we know what this means.
- I blew my ex this week. I made him come twice with one blowjob. Either I'm really fucking good or he's not getting it right. Following him on FB is odd, and I'm guessing that the message I just sent to him won't be good. Or maybe it will. He got to get off, and I didn't. Yes, his wedding is next month - good on him! - but I'd still like to finish what we started.
- I would have been able to fuck him had not another friend decided to stick around the entire time. I finally said, "You look spent, are you sure you don't want to pack it in?" He replied, "Are you trying to get rid of me?" I answered, "Yes." Still, he didn't leave. So for all of you guys who say that women don't tell you what they want, I say, "FUCK YOU."
- When I told one of my friends what I've done, I could hear her audibly inhale. Like I don't feel badly enough, because figuring out how to balance my life and my relationships against the traditional ones is hard. And for those of you who think that I'm just buying in to what's been to taught to all of us, I reiterate, "FUCK YOU."
- I am an incurable flirt. I so enjoyed this ex's company. I found it interesting that I didn't find him as physically attractive as I used to, but still, the chemistry was still there.
- He called it "electricity". That made me want him more.
OK, OK, I'll write the whole story soon.
I need butcher paper, two pieces, so I can create my tombstomb.
One last: While I was there, I almost called my ex by my Him's name. I think we know what this means.
4.4.09
He Watches
Tonight, I am yours. I am your toy, your plaything. You know that I feel greedy. You know that I want to be used and used and fucked until I cry and ask you to stop. However, I know that you're not going to be the only one who uses me.
Just tell me to lie back and take it. Tell me that you know that this is exactly what I want, what I've begged you to give me. Baby, look me in the eye and tell me that you'll watch me as I'm being used. Tell me that that doesn't make me dirty, but perfect for those you've chosen who want me.
Walk away from me, move into the place you've chosen. Watch me dip my back, raise my hips to take the first man who places his cock into me. I love you watching me being used, fucked, and oh, baby, I love knowing that you enjoy watching this. You're not at all jealous because you know that you've arranged this whole evening for your enjoyment.
I feel him run in and out of me, his cock, his desire to lie his body over me. I love letting him know, if only for that moment, that I am his (under you). I want him to push himself deeper and deeper into me. I want his cock until I feel split open, until he hits my cervix, while you watch this. He's going to make me come. I focus my eyes on yours until you move closer. Oh, honey, please, let me come - let him come in me. I know what you'll say.
"Baby, let him. I love you. And I will always be the last person who fucks you. Are you ready for another?"
Just tell me to lie back and take it. Tell me that you know that this is exactly what I want, what I've begged you to give me. Baby, look me in the eye and tell me that you'll watch me as I'm being used. Tell me that that doesn't make me dirty, but perfect for those you've chosen who want me.
Walk away from me, move into the place you've chosen. Watch me dip my back, raise my hips to take the first man who places his cock into me. I love you watching me being used, fucked, and oh, baby, I love knowing that you enjoy watching this. You're not at all jealous because you know that you've arranged this whole evening for your enjoyment.
I feel him run in and out of me, his cock, his desire to lie his body over me. I love letting him know, if only for that moment, that I am his (under you). I want him to push himself deeper and deeper into me. I want his cock until I feel split open, until he hits my cervix, while you watch this. He's going to make me come. I focus my eyes on yours until you move closer. Oh, honey, please, let me come - let him come in me. I know what you'll say.
"Baby, let him. I love you. And I will always be the last person who fucks you. Are you ready for another?"
3.4.09
Knife
This is an incomplete thought, brought about by reading the case of People v. Jovanovic.
I've been thinking about the nature of my Him's and my relationship. The general theme is psychological control more than physical restraints, not that I'm against the physicality, clearly.
Tonight, I dream of my Him telling me to stay still - very still. I want him to take out one of his chef's knives and run it lightly over my body. I want my Him to start at my throat, and run the knife slowly down my body. I want it near my nipples, circling them, as I watch the intensity in his eyes. I want to feel the real fear of his control, without anything bodily holding me in place.
Knowing that any motion on my part could bring me real harm makes it almost impossible for me not to squirm, yet I know that I have to control myself, stay still, concentrate on my Him and not on myself.
Like I said, an incomplete thought, yet something I'll spend the weekend developing.
I've been thinking about the nature of my Him's and my relationship. The general theme is psychological control more than physical restraints, not that I'm against the physicality, clearly.
Tonight, I dream of my Him telling me to stay still - very still. I want him to take out one of his chef's knives and run it lightly over my body. I want my Him to start at my throat, and run the knife slowly down my body. I want it near my nipples, circling them, as I watch the intensity in his eyes. I want to feel the real fear of his control, without anything bodily holding me in place.
Knowing that any motion on my part could bring me real harm makes it almost impossible for me not to squirm, yet I know that I have to control myself, stay still, concentrate on my Him and not on myself.
Like I said, an incomplete thought, yet something I'll spend the weekend developing.
13.3.09
Two Questions
That's all I get, two questions, when my Him allows me to ask anything at all. I never know what to ask. "Are you going to hurt me?" I already know the answer to that. He's already promised to up the ante on me. We've graduated to what he considers a thrashing. "Will you fuck me?" I know the answer to that question as well. Yes, he will, yes, I will beg for him, yes, he will fuck me better than anyone else can. I suppose I could ask him if others will be watching today. I'm not sure I want to know. He knows how much freer I feel in cuffs and blindfolded, he knows my fear of the judgment of others. He knows that part of his allowing others to play with me is that they are not allowed to say anything detrimental about me or to me. Only he can call me his slut, his whore. For him, I am.
So I say nothing when he tells me that I can ask him questions.
So I say nothing when he tells me that I can ask him questions.
11.3.09
Crave
You follow me into my closet, in order to help me dress. I know I must always look good for you, but I love it when I have your help. "Dress sexy," you tell me, as you opt for my black mini dress with the zipper down the front. I choose a pair of stiletto black heels to match. An hour later, makeup and hair done under your tutelage, we arrive at the bar. You've always liked the quiet Irish bars, quiet in the sense that we know most of the people there, quiet in the sense that the piano player has yet to arrive.
You order for me - vodka tonic, while you have a Guinness. We talk and laugh, and you order me a second drink. Your friend arrives. I've known him for a long time as well. There's pleasantries and pleasant conversation. I'm now into my third cocktail as I excuse myself and head for the lady's room. When I come back, you and our friend both greet me with a mischievous look on your faces. After a moment of talk, the conversation wanes. You've got an expectant look on your face as I greet your eyes with mine.
"Shall we leave?" you ask me. "Already?" I respond. You nod and rise to your feet, taking my hand in yours as you pull me up. "He's coming with us," you tell me.
We return to your apartment. More drinks are poured, more anecdotes exchanged, as we relax and I remove my shoes and curl into the floor, my back against the sofa. I stretch out my legs and smile up at the both of you.
"Would you be willing to enjoy?" you ask me. "Of course, I already am," I reply. "No, both of us - would you be willing to enjoy us?" I know this means that I will be servicing both of you. I will spend my evening on my knees and on my back. I'm not really interested in this, on this night, but I already knew what my answer would be. "Yes," I breathe to you. "Good," you reply. "Close your eyes."
I do, and rest my head back, preparing for what I will do. I feel fingers on my thighs, fingers on my zipper, and a mouth on mine. This is unexpected, as my role is to serve you. After a gasp, I respond to the kiss being given - it's not your mouth, it's your friend's. Then I feel your hand running up the inside of my thigh. My zipper opens, almost as if it wanted to. I feel a hand reach inside my bra to grab my breast. The sensations are overwhelming. Fingers, hands, mouths...
You raise my dress and spread my legs further. Your mouth attacks my clit, oh, I know this, oh, God, it's so good. Our friend continues to kiss me and while doing so, lightly run his fingertip over my nipple. I shudder, how could I not? This is not what I thought you wanted, and I'm unsure how to respond. The basic reactions are there, of course they are. Yet I want to please you. I look down to your face, to see if I can read what you want from me by looking in your eyes. You will not look at me, but instead push your tongue deeper into my cunt. Oh, God. Oh, I have no choice but to love this.
With your tongue in me, and your hand rubbing my clit, and our friend kissing me and rubbing my nipples, I can feel the wave of orgasm approaching. "Please, don't stop," I murmur as my head leans back onto the cushion. "Please...please," are the only words from me. I can hear you growl, hear it come from your throat, as your fingers twist my clit and my cunt begins to drip, as you groan into me. With that noise, I come, noisily and God, twisting.
"Good girl," you tell me, and tell me to stay still. Next, hands are lifting off my dress, which has been in a ball around my waist. Next, my bra is removed. I sit, naked and panting, in front of you.
Our friend switches places with you, and the first thing I feel is your mouth on mine, kissing me, kissing me, kissing me. I feel his tentative fingers on my clit, and I twist my hips to move closer to his hand. You're biting my neck, and he's finally running his mouth over all of my cunt, clit, everywhere. Now, I'm beginning to get lost in the sensation of you on me, of him in me, of pleasure.
Over, and over, and over, you and our friend switch places. Neither of you will slide your cock into me. I'm begging now, begging for that release which comes only with fucking. I want you, I want him, oh, please, I need this, please let me have you. "No," you tell me as you both take my hands to raise me off the floor. "Look at the mess you've made, girl. I'll have to get the carpet cleaned."
You tell our friend that it was a good night, and lead me off to the bedroom. "Did you enjoy yourself?" you ask me, as if I needed to tell you directly. "Yes, honey," I reply. Then you push me back onto your bed and finally, oh, thank you, finally, run your cock into my cunt. I squeeze you further in and wrap my legs around your back.
"He told me that he wanted you. He told me that he craved you. I thought you'd like this night," you tell me, as you push so deeply into me that I shudder. "You did good."
You order for me - vodka tonic, while you have a Guinness. We talk and laugh, and you order me a second drink. Your friend arrives. I've known him for a long time as well. There's pleasantries and pleasant conversation. I'm now into my third cocktail as I excuse myself and head for the lady's room. When I come back, you and our friend both greet me with a mischievous look on your faces. After a moment of talk, the conversation wanes. You've got an expectant look on your face as I greet your eyes with mine.
"Shall we leave?" you ask me. "Already?" I respond. You nod and rise to your feet, taking my hand in yours as you pull me up. "He's coming with us," you tell me.
We return to your apartment. More drinks are poured, more anecdotes exchanged, as we relax and I remove my shoes and curl into the floor, my back against the sofa. I stretch out my legs and smile up at the both of you.
"Would you be willing to enjoy?" you ask me. "Of course, I already am," I reply. "No, both of us - would you be willing to enjoy us?" I know this means that I will be servicing both of you. I will spend my evening on my knees and on my back. I'm not really interested in this, on this night, but I already knew what my answer would be. "Yes," I breathe to you. "Good," you reply. "Close your eyes."
I do, and rest my head back, preparing for what I will do. I feel fingers on my thighs, fingers on my zipper, and a mouth on mine. This is unexpected, as my role is to serve you. After a gasp, I respond to the kiss being given - it's not your mouth, it's your friend's. Then I feel your hand running up the inside of my thigh. My zipper opens, almost as if it wanted to. I feel a hand reach inside my bra to grab my breast. The sensations are overwhelming. Fingers, hands, mouths...
You raise my dress and spread my legs further. Your mouth attacks my clit, oh, I know this, oh, God, it's so good. Our friend continues to kiss me and while doing so, lightly run his fingertip over my nipple. I shudder, how could I not? This is not what I thought you wanted, and I'm unsure how to respond. The basic reactions are there, of course they are. Yet I want to please you. I look down to your face, to see if I can read what you want from me by looking in your eyes. You will not look at me, but instead push your tongue deeper into my cunt. Oh, God. Oh, I have no choice but to love this.
With your tongue in me, and your hand rubbing my clit, and our friend kissing me and rubbing my nipples, I can feel the wave of orgasm approaching. "Please, don't stop," I murmur as my head leans back onto the cushion. "Please...please," are the only words from me. I can hear you growl, hear it come from your throat, as your fingers twist my clit and my cunt begins to drip, as you groan into me. With that noise, I come, noisily and God, twisting.
"Good girl," you tell me, and tell me to stay still. Next, hands are lifting off my dress, which has been in a ball around my waist. Next, my bra is removed. I sit, naked and panting, in front of you.
Our friend switches places with you, and the first thing I feel is your mouth on mine, kissing me, kissing me, kissing me. I feel his tentative fingers on my clit, and I twist my hips to move closer to his hand. You're biting my neck, and he's finally running his mouth over all of my cunt, clit, everywhere. Now, I'm beginning to get lost in the sensation of you on me, of him in me, of pleasure.
Over, and over, and over, you and our friend switch places. Neither of you will slide your cock into me. I'm begging now, begging for that release which comes only with fucking. I want you, I want him, oh, please, I need this, please let me have you. "No," you tell me as you both take my hands to raise me off the floor. "Look at the mess you've made, girl. I'll have to get the carpet cleaned."
You tell our friend that it was a good night, and lead me off to the bedroom. "Did you enjoy yourself?" you ask me, as if I needed to tell you directly. "Yes, honey," I reply. Then you push me back onto your bed and finally, oh, thank you, finally, run your cock into my cunt. I squeeze you further in and wrap my legs around your back.
"He told me that he wanted you. He told me that he craved you. I thought you'd like this night," you tell me, as you push so deeply into me that I shudder. "You did good."
5.3.09
I know that look in your eyes. That look, as your eyes lock on mine. The stare is intense, almost angry. I want to avert my gaze, but I cannot. I fix my eyes on you, on your face, on the lines of your jawbone.
You reach behind me. I stay still, anticipation building in my body. "Take your top off," you tell me in a growl. As I slowly pull my shirt over my head, you take it from me and rip it off my arms. You grab for my hair, twisting it into a knot to hold me still.
Your mouth meets mine. This is where I can feel the tension in your body, your need for me, building in your lips and moving into me. Kisses and kisses and more kisses, your tongue in my mouth, pulling me closer to you with each movement. My face is smashed underneath yours. I cannot move. You keep kissing me, increasing the intensity and my desire. Your other hand reaches me, grabbing my breast. I can feel myself begin to sag, my legs weakening as you touch me.
You pull away, just enough to murmur into my mouth, "Do you want me?" "Yes," I reply, barely audible. "Do you love me?" "Yes."
"Good," you tell me, as you walk away.
You reach behind me. I stay still, anticipation building in my body. "Take your top off," you tell me in a growl. As I slowly pull my shirt over my head, you take it from me and rip it off my arms. You grab for my hair, twisting it into a knot to hold me still.
Your mouth meets mine. This is where I can feel the tension in your body, your need for me, building in your lips and moving into me. Kisses and kisses and more kisses, your tongue in my mouth, pulling me closer to you with each movement. My face is smashed underneath yours. I cannot move. You keep kissing me, increasing the intensity and my desire. Your other hand reaches me, grabbing my breast. I can feel myself begin to sag, my legs weakening as you touch me.
You pull away, just enough to murmur into my mouth, "Do you want me?" "Yes," I reply, barely audible. "Do you love me?" "Yes."
"Good," you tell me, as you walk away.
24.2.09
No is one of the most loaded words I can think of. No is power. No is a sentence unto itself.
Last night I gave away my power to say no. I did it of my own volition; I did it because I wanted to; I did it because I trust my Him.
Giving away that power makes me feel even more vulnerable. Yes, of my own accord, yes, I wanted to, yes, I trust my Him. But I'm afraid of the result. I could now learn some of the best parts of myself, the parts I'm generally afraid to explore. I may find that I'm capable of so much more than I've known.
I may also learn what real power means. Does giving away my "no" mean that I am becoming, finally, an absolute possession? Will I become O? Would I rather die than be without my Him?
The answers can only depend on experience. I'm afraid. But I'm also relieved and happy. If it turns out that my Him does reject me, well, I'll find out what happens from there. I think it's more likely that I will suffer from His disappointment in me than in a real rejection.
Still, this scares me somewhat.
(One tiny little plus - today was the first time we had phone sex while my Him was safely ensconced away and I had to work myself over in public. I found it liberating and strange. I'm still replaying it in my head, and I'm still getting off from it.)
Last night I gave away my power to say no. I did it of my own volition; I did it because I wanted to; I did it because I trust my Him.
Giving away that power makes me feel even more vulnerable. Yes, of my own accord, yes, I wanted to, yes, I trust my Him. But I'm afraid of the result. I could now learn some of the best parts of myself, the parts I'm generally afraid to explore. I may find that I'm capable of so much more than I've known.
I may also learn what real power means. Does giving away my "no" mean that I am becoming, finally, an absolute possession? Will I become O? Would I rather die than be without my Him?
The answers can only depend on experience. I'm afraid. But I'm also relieved and happy. If it turns out that my Him does reject me, well, I'll find out what happens from there. I think it's more likely that I will suffer from His disappointment in me than in a real rejection.
Still, this scares me somewhat.
(One tiny little plus - today was the first time we had phone sex while my Him was safely ensconced away and I had to work myself over in public. I found it liberating and strange. I'm still replaying it in my head, and I'm still getting off from it.)
21.2.09
I'll meme until I just can't meme no more
I did this on naughtyeliot's site. I just finished posting my responses as a comment on her blog. And that's how it goes--post your answers in a comment here and then post the questions on your blog for you readers.
1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Favorite fictional character of all time?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
27. What’s your favorite hangout?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Favorite fictional character of all time?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
27. What’s your favorite hangout?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
16.2.09
You Will
You will smile at me between courses at dinner
You will stroke your ankle against mine while I'm discussing politics with the family
You will lick away the last traces of dessert from your mouth and never take your eyes off me
You will ask if I know what you're thinking and I will just breathe silently
You will caress my wrists in the kitchen as I rinse the glasses in warm water
You will stand behind me, your breath warm on my neck, my ears
You will slip out when the others go into the living room for coffee
And I will follow you
You will clasp me in the yard underneath the tree with fall air falling on us
You will sweep in my trembles and brush in my heartbeat
You will sniff hungrily at me and slide your hands under my sweater, blouse, bra, to skin, and me
You will gather me into you and your mouth will wet and bite me like fruit
You will murmur and moan and pull me, pull me, pull me to you under the night sky
You will shift me down to the cold grass and I will never once think that this is wrong, that I am your sister, and you cannot have me this way
You will not utter a word, and when you're done, you will lie beside me, and wrap me, in a deep blanket of stars
- Nicole Blackman
You will stroke your ankle against mine while I'm discussing politics with the family
You will lick away the last traces of dessert from your mouth and never take your eyes off me
You will ask if I know what you're thinking and I will just breathe silently
You will caress my wrists in the kitchen as I rinse the glasses in warm water
You will stand behind me, your breath warm on my neck, my ears
You will slip out when the others go into the living room for coffee
And I will follow you
You will clasp me in the yard underneath the tree with fall air falling on us
You will sweep in my trembles and brush in my heartbeat
You will sniff hungrily at me and slide your hands under my sweater, blouse, bra, to skin, and me
You will gather me into you and your mouth will wet and bite me like fruit
You will murmur and moan and pull me, pull me, pull me to you under the night sky
You will shift me down to the cold grass and I will never once think that this is wrong, that I am your sister, and you cannot have me this way
You will not utter a word, and when you're done, you will lie beside me, and wrap me, in a deep blanket of stars
- Nicole Blackman
8.2.09
Our girl
He hits me. He smacks my ass when I'm too saucy.
He's figuring out a new date for us, which includes his girl. She told him how she wants us. She wants him on his back, she wants him in my cunt, and then she wants to fuck my clit while he uses me.
I think I'm going to love this girl.
She's a sub; she loves to be whipped. She's not afraid of me, not yet. She quite well might be. Oh, the chance to whip her while she's on all fours. I want her to look back at me and beg me to stop. No. Not yet, I will not stop whipping her ass and her back. I want to bring her to tears, full tears, and then lead her face back to my cunt, so she can make me come while she cries. I will fuck her mouth; she will cry and take me in. Once I come in her mouth, and oh, I will, my Him and I will push her aside so we can fuck, and fuck, and fuck.
She is our possession. She will watch us.
He's figuring out a new date for us, which includes his girl. She told him how she wants us. She wants him on his back, she wants him in my cunt, and then she wants to fuck my clit while he uses me.
I think I'm going to love this girl.
She's a sub; she loves to be whipped. She's not afraid of me, not yet. She quite well might be. Oh, the chance to whip her while she's on all fours. I want her to look back at me and beg me to stop. No. Not yet, I will not stop whipping her ass and her back. I want to bring her to tears, full tears, and then lead her face back to my cunt, so she can make me come while she cries. I will fuck her mouth; she will cry and take me in. Once I come in her mouth, and oh, I will, my Him and I will push her aside so we can fuck, and fuck, and fuck.
She is our possession. She will watch us.
31.1.09
Bass guitar
This is another memory of a boy from my past.
J. was hard to get to know. He was an even better flirt than I at that point in my life. Still, I managed to get his attention, and even better, I got him to want me. This was a messy relationship; we alternated between power.
Once day, I wanted to see a movie I knew none of my friends would see with me. So I went, and did one of the first activities I ever did on my own. It was a version of a romantic comedy, so by the end of it, all I thought about was J. J. and I in that movie, living out the happy ending. I drove to his house.
I was allowed down to his basement bedroom. I was giddy; full of girlhood excitement about the possibitilies of relationships, and about him. He was still in bed. He pulled me to him as I chattered about the movie. He silenced me with his mouth. Oh, his kisses; I have known none better. J. knew exactly where to place his lips (exactly over mine) and where to run his tongue into mine.
J. ran his hand down my left side, with touches alternating between soft and tight, depending on which part of my body he wanted nearest to him. He picked randomly, so the places I expected were ignored. He did this as he ran his left hand over my breast, over, and over, as I love. I unbuttoned my jeans before he got anywhere near my hips. With a few moves, I had the jeans near my knees, and I took his right hand from my side and started pulling his hand toward my clit. Oh, god, I already was so ready from him, from his kisses, from his touches.
He pulled his hand away and made a gesture which I knew meant for me to complete take off my jeans. As I did this for him, he removed my shirt and bra. He was still clothed. He looked down, observing my body, and pulled me over him. I lie at a angle over him.
He took his right hand and put it over the top of my thigh. His left hand went to my ribcage. From there, in that position, he began to play me. J. was a bass guitarist, and he wanted to show me. He played slap bass.
He played the top of my thigh. As he changed strings, he moved closer to the inside of my thigh. As he changed chords, his left hand moved closer, again, to my nipple.
J. was a consumate player. And because of him, I can play as well.
J. was hard to get to know. He was an even better flirt than I at that point in my life. Still, I managed to get his attention, and even better, I got him to want me. This was a messy relationship; we alternated between power.
Once day, I wanted to see a movie I knew none of my friends would see with me. So I went, and did one of the first activities I ever did on my own. It was a version of a romantic comedy, so by the end of it, all I thought about was J. J. and I in that movie, living out the happy ending. I drove to his house.
I was allowed down to his basement bedroom. I was giddy; full of girlhood excitement about the possibitilies of relationships, and about him. He was still in bed. He pulled me to him as I chattered about the movie. He silenced me with his mouth. Oh, his kisses; I have known none better. J. knew exactly where to place his lips (exactly over mine) and where to run his tongue into mine.
J. ran his hand down my left side, with touches alternating between soft and tight, depending on which part of my body he wanted nearest to him. He picked randomly, so the places I expected were ignored. He did this as he ran his left hand over my breast, over, and over, as I love. I unbuttoned my jeans before he got anywhere near my hips. With a few moves, I had the jeans near my knees, and I took his right hand from my side and started pulling his hand toward my clit. Oh, god, I already was so ready from him, from his kisses, from his touches.
He pulled his hand away and made a gesture which I knew meant for me to complete take off my jeans. As I did this for him, he removed my shirt and bra. He was still clothed. He looked down, observing my body, and pulled me over him. I lie at a angle over him.
He took his right hand and put it over the top of my thigh. His left hand went to my ribcage. From there, in that position, he began to play me. J. was a bass guitarist, and he wanted to show me. He played slap bass.
He played the top of my thigh. As he changed strings, he moved closer to the inside of my thigh. As he changed chords, his left hand moved closer, again, to my nipple.
J. was a consumate player. And because of him, I can play as well.
26.1.09
I Want To Write
I've been hinting, well, more than hinting, about this, on my Twitter, about something that happened over the weekend. I really want to write out this fantasy. But even thinking it disturbs me. It crosses a line of which I've never had to consider. I feel so guilty for the thoughts and the feelings I have. Yet, I know that if I write it out, it would be out of my mind and onto this virtual paper.
I degrade myself as I make myself come with this fantasy. I think of the names I'll be called, and the names I call myself as I imagine this person with me.
While I consider the pros, cons, and (considerable) repercussions of writing about what's on my mind, know this: I have fucked myself over and over again with these thoughts. It's so wrong, but it makes me feel so good.
I degrade myself as I make myself come with this fantasy. I think of the names I'll be called, and the names I call myself as I imagine this person with me.
While I consider the pros, cons, and (considerable) repercussions of writing about what's on my mind, know this: I have fucked myself over and over again with these thoughts. It's so wrong, but it makes me feel so good.
15.1.09
Meme
Because this is making the rounds on the internet, I'll give it a go. Despite the fact that I gave you factoids in the below post. If you get tired of learning about me, blame her.
1. I am the youngest of three children. More than being the youngest, I am an afterthought. My mother figured she had it done when she produced first, a male child, and second, a female child. Wasn't that the traditional route? Yet, a few years later, she got knocked up with me. She didn't want another child; it took her mother telling her over and over again that this final child would be the one with which my mother would be closest. It's odd to think that had Roe v. Wade already been the law of the land, I wouldn't be here.
2. Back in the days before DVRs, my father would tape the low-grade porn that was on HBO and Cinemax. In those days, when I was what is now called a tween, I would tape Bugs Bunny movies and other things of that nature. I remember watching something I taped, and waking up to his version of porn. It certainly informed my ideas of the relationships between men and women. It didn't help that he would tell me about my parents' sex life. Now, years and years later, I find myself more open than I probably should be.
3. I absolutely love living alone. I never want that to change. I came by living alone later than many of my friends, and I think I love it more than they do. I am a very private person (yes, I also read what I wrote above). One of the numerous reasons why I love my Him is because even if we were to marry, we don't intend to live together.
4. I keep most relationships at arm's length. Most of my closest friends live far away from me. I prefer it that way. I can control the amount of information they have about me because they don't see my day-to-day life. One of my biggest fears (and one I think about exploiting) is that the people I love the most could read my thoughts. Yet, I have three of the best women in the world as my closest friends. They know my heart and my desires, and I'm so grateful for them. And, another again, they all know me in different ways. And I'm fairly certain that they'd all hate each other if they knew each other.
5. I've lived in eight states so far. This may be one of the reasons why I don't get close to many people. For about a decade or so, my family would move every two years. I've lived other places as well, but since I'm now here, this is where I focus. I don't want to move again, but there's a very good chance that another move or two is in the cards. I don't like starting over. I don't like my lifestyle complacency.
6. When I was in college, I came dangerously close to being car-jacked. I was driving myself and some friends home from a night of dancing and drinking, and as we came to a stoplight, a guy started to get out of the passenger's seat in the car behind us, and approach my car. I'm so glad I noticed, because I just ran that light, locked the doors, and settled in to drive. What I really wanted was for a cop to pull me over. Dumb, to a certain extent, because I had been drinking. I thought that a cop would protect us. As it turns out, my ability to drive fast saved us.
7. My worst experiences: a) I dated a boy in high school who hit me. Not in a way that would be visible to others; he would throw me into tables, or anything with sharp edges. I provoked him by flirting with others. This doesn't mean it was my fault, but I surely didn't improve the situation. He tried to apologize to me years later, but as it turns out, an apology that comes from rolling doesn't do anything. b) I was friends with a guy years ago who spoiled me rotten. I knew that he was interested in more than friendship, but I wasn't. I was also very self-centered back then, and too self-assured. One evening he slipped something into my drink. I didn't know I'd been raped until over twelve hours later, and by then, there was no evidence. Also, I knew that there was no way I could prove the case. About five years later, I was meeting a friend to celebrate her birthday and she didn't tell me that he was there. That was the end of that friendship. c) Yeah, I'm not telling you this story. It's more than I can do.
It's entirely possible that I will remove this post in about five minutes.
1. I am the youngest of three children. More than being the youngest, I am an afterthought. My mother figured she had it done when she produced first, a male child, and second, a female child. Wasn't that the traditional route? Yet, a few years later, she got knocked up with me. She didn't want another child; it took her mother telling her over and over again that this final child would be the one with which my mother would be closest. It's odd to think that had Roe v. Wade already been the law of the land, I wouldn't be here.
2. Back in the days before DVRs, my father would tape the low-grade porn that was on HBO and Cinemax. In those days, when I was what is now called a tween, I would tape Bugs Bunny movies and other things of that nature. I remember watching something I taped, and waking up to his version of porn. It certainly informed my ideas of the relationships between men and women. It didn't help that he would tell me about my parents' sex life. Now, years and years later, I find myself more open than I probably should be.
3. I absolutely love living alone. I never want that to change. I came by living alone later than many of my friends, and I think I love it more than they do. I am a very private person (yes, I also read what I wrote above). One of the numerous reasons why I love my Him is because even if we were to marry, we don't intend to live together.
4. I keep most relationships at arm's length. Most of my closest friends live far away from me. I prefer it that way. I can control the amount of information they have about me because they don't see my day-to-day life. One of my biggest fears (and one I think about exploiting) is that the people I love the most could read my thoughts. Yet, I have three of the best women in the world as my closest friends. They know my heart and my desires, and I'm so grateful for them. And, another again, they all know me in different ways. And I'm fairly certain that they'd all hate each other if they knew each other.
5. I've lived in eight states so far. This may be one of the reasons why I don't get close to many people. For about a decade or so, my family would move every two years. I've lived other places as well, but since I'm now here, this is where I focus. I don't want to move again, but there's a very good chance that another move or two is in the cards. I don't like starting over. I don't like my lifestyle complacency.
6. When I was in college, I came dangerously close to being car-jacked. I was driving myself and some friends home from a night of dancing and drinking, and as we came to a stoplight, a guy started to get out of the passenger's seat in the car behind us, and approach my car. I'm so glad I noticed, because I just ran that light, locked the doors, and settled in to drive. What I really wanted was for a cop to pull me over. Dumb, to a certain extent, because I had been drinking. I thought that a cop would protect us. As it turns out, my ability to drive fast saved us.
7. My worst experiences: a) I dated a boy in high school who hit me. Not in a way that would be visible to others; he would throw me into tables, or anything with sharp edges. I provoked him by flirting with others. This doesn't mean it was my fault, but I surely didn't improve the situation. He tried to apologize to me years later, but as it turns out, an apology that comes from rolling doesn't do anything. b) I was friends with a guy years ago who spoiled me rotten. I knew that he was interested in more than friendship, but I wasn't. I was also very self-centered back then, and too self-assured. One evening he slipped something into my drink. I didn't know I'd been raped until over twelve hours later, and by then, there was no evidence. Also, I knew that there was no way I could prove the case. About five years later, I was meeting a friend to celebrate her birthday and she didn't tell me that he was there. That was the end of that friendship. c) Yeah, I'm not telling you this story. It's more than I can do.
It's entirely possible that I will remove this post in about five minutes.
12.1.09
A request
Several of you have asked me more about myself. So, for a break in my usual writing, here are some things I'll share:
- I am a girl. I really, really am. Unless I like you though, no, I will not prove it.
- I can write in mirror writing.
- I play guitar left-handed. And not well. I also play piano, and when I was in school, I played cornet.
- I have the patience of a toddler. Often, the attention span of one as well.
- I am currently reading What Is The What by Dave Eggars and American Eve by Paula Uruburu. The Eggars book is really good, although difficult to read because it's about a Lost Boy from Sudan. American Eve is interesting only in its subject matter and not its writing style.
- I really prefer to drive rather than be the passenger. Take that as you wish.
- If I could, I'd listen to music all the time, no matter what I'm doing.
- I love love love reality shows, especially the ones on VH-1. Judge if you must, but they're really funny. I have a whole new appreciation for Bret Michaels. He's more clever than people give him credit for.
- No matter how long it's been, or how long it will be, I still get excited when I see a VM from Him, His number on my caller ID, or when I first glimpse Him.
- I used to be a natural redhead. Now I have to pay for it, and it's worth every penny. I think red hair is the sexiest color on a woman.
If you've got questions, ask away. No guarantee that I'll answer, but I'll entertain the request.
- I am a girl. I really, really am. Unless I like you though, no, I will not prove it.
- I can write in mirror writing.
- I play guitar left-handed. And not well. I also play piano, and when I was in school, I played cornet.
- I have the patience of a toddler. Often, the attention span of one as well.
- I am currently reading What Is The What by Dave Eggars and American Eve by Paula Uruburu. The Eggars book is really good, although difficult to read because it's about a Lost Boy from Sudan. American Eve is interesting only in its subject matter and not its writing style.
- I really prefer to drive rather than be the passenger. Take that as you wish.
- If I could, I'd listen to music all the time, no matter what I'm doing.
- I love love love reality shows, especially the ones on VH-1. Judge if you must, but they're really funny. I have a whole new appreciation for Bret Michaels. He's more clever than people give him credit for.
- No matter how long it's been, or how long it will be, I still get excited when I see a VM from Him, His number on my caller ID, or when I first glimpse Him.
- I used to be a natural redhead. Now I have to pay for it, and it's worth every penny. I think red hair is the sexiest color on a woman.
If you've got questions, ask away. No guarantee that I'll answer, but I'll entertain the request.
11.1.09
To explore Him
I've had a few hours to think about how to adore Him in the way He does me.
I envision Him laying back, naked, across His couch. He's such a beautiful man. I know He doesn't always believe me when I tell Him so. His dark hair, His dark eyes, His gorgeous physique, tight thighs, strong arms, His torso, God, His entire body. I love it when He tells me that He's as much mine as I am His. I know that's not entirely true, if only because I don't want it to be. I want to be His complete possession.
Tonight, I want to approach Him from His legs. I want to run my tongue up the inside of His leg. I'll start at His ankle, with kisses and sucking, and sometimes looking at His face. As I get above His knee, I look up more often. I want to be sure that He enjoys this as much as I love getting closer to Him. Up, slowly, but not too slowly, running my tongue over Him, up and down. Teasing Him, tasting Him, oh, my God, tasting His skin in my mouth.
Finally, I reach His inner thigh. Now, as I move toward His left side, I smile as I get closer. I hope that He will twitch with anticipation as I kiss around, near, over His balls. I take that closer one into my mouth. I suck it into, deeply into, my mouth, as I pull it down and away from Him. I know He loves this, He loves the pain mixed into His pleasure. I run my fingernails, lightly, over His shaft and the neglected other one.
I open my mouth more, to run my tongue between His balls as I pull the other into my mouth. Mmmmm...I've got both of His balls into my mouth as I clasp His cock into my hand. Running my hand up and down His stiffening cock, I suck His balls even more into my mouth. I love using my tongue to separate them and pull them back together in my mouth.
I want Him to buck, to use His hands to move me from His gorgeous balls and onto His now hard cock. Yet, the sensation of His balls in my mouth makes me feel so perfect. I know I am His.
Finally, I hope He allows me to take His cock into my mouth. I will use my hands to massage, pull, play with His wet balls - wet from my mouth all over them.
I want Him to fuck my mouth deeply, so deeply, until I have tears in my eyes and a desire to take Him in even further. More, please, I murmur as His cock completely fills my mouth, my red lips, all of my desire. I look up at Him, to see Him throw His head back as He pushes my mouth harder over His cock.
You'll make me come, He tells me. Please, please come in me, I ask Him. I'm crying now, taking every stroke of His cock in my throat, as I continue to try to take more.
Oh, and when He comes, and calls my name, and coats my throat, my tongue, my mouth, with His come, I tell Him, I love you. I am yours.
I envision Him laying back, naked, across His couch. He's such a beautiful man. I know He doesn't always believe me when I tell Him so. His dark hair, His dark eyes, His gorgeous physique, tight thighs, strong arms, His torso, God, His entire body. I love it when He tells me that He's as much mine as I am His. I know that's not entirely true, if only because I don't want it to be. I want to be His complete possession.
Tonight, I want to approach Him from His legs. I want to run my tongue up the inside of His leg. I'll start at His ankle, with kisses and sucking, and sometimes looking at His face. As I get above His knee, I look up more often. I want to be sure that He enjoys this as much as I love getting closer to Him. Up, slowly, but not too slowly, running my tongue over Him, up and down. Teasing Him, tasting Him, oh, my God, tasting His skin in my mouth.
Finally, I reach His inner thigh. Now, as I move toward His left side, I smile as I get closer. I hope that He will twitch with anticipation as I kiss around, near, over His balls. I take that closer one into my mouth. I suck it into, deeply into, my mouth, as I pull it down and away from Him. I know He loves this, He loves the pain mixed into His pleasure. I run my fingernails, lightly, over His shaft and the neglected other one.
I open my mouth more, to run my tongue between His balls as I pull the other into my mouth. Mmmmm...I've got both of His balls into my mouth as I clasp His cock into my hand. Running my hand up and down His stiffening cock, I suck His balls even more into my mouth. I love using my tongue to separate them and pull them back together in my mouth.
I want Him to buck, to use His hands to move me from His gorgeous balls and onto His now hard cock. Yet, the sensation of His balls in my mouth makes me feel so perfect. I know I am His.
Finally, I hope He allows me to take His cock into my mouth. I will use my hands to massage, pull, play with His wet balls - wet from my mouth all over them.
I want Him to fuck my mouth deeply, so deeply, until I have tears in my eyes and a desire to take Him in even further. More, please, I murmur as His cock completely fills my mouth, my red lips, all of my desire. I look up at Him, to see Him throw His head back as He pushes my mouth harder over His cock.
You'll make me come, He tells me. Please, please come in me, I ask Him. I'm crying now, taking every stroke of His cock in my throat, as I continue to try to take more.
Oh, and when He comes, and calls my name, and coats my throat, my tongue, my mouth, with His come, I tell Him, I love you. I am yours.
4.1.09
Playdate
I entered His place, wearing a jacket over an outfit that He refers to as, "Hypernaked." To Him, this means clothing you wear that makes you appear even less clothed, and also more available. Something like this:
When He took more than two steps into His home, I appeared, so I could suck His cock. Oh, so deeply into my mouth. I love when He deep-throats me. But last night, that wasn't the way He wanted me.
He pulled me away and tied me down. My wrists with restraints, my legs with His ropes. Spread-eagled, open, ready for anything. I did writhe against the restraints; I want Him in me again. Wherever He wanted me.
Instead, His mouth went to my clit. Licking, sucking, oh, God, fucking my clit, and laughing at me as I fought against the restraints to get to Him, and to try to protect myself from that kind of orgasm. He licked me over and over and over again until I came on Him. I came on His mouth. Once I've come, I giggle.
He looked at me again, and saw my face. I guess my expression wasn't enough to make Him stop. He went at me again, His mouth, His tongue, over my clit, again, again, and Oh, God, again. His hands now ran over my thighs, and up my body. One hand reached my nipple as I felt Him still on my clit. My chest bucked up, God, I wanted every bit of Him in me and on me. More and more He teased my nipple while sucking on my clit. I couldn't wait more; I came on Him again. Two orgasms happening that quickly brought tears to my eyes.
He didn't release me; He only asked if there was anything I needed. God, baby, God, I need your cock in me, now, please...I begged him. He put His mouth back down to my clit. Oh, not again, I don't think I can come again...He moved His mouth down to my cunt and began running his tongue up and down the opening of my cunt. I could finally relax and begin to enjoy His mouth on me. I would have pulled His head into my cunt had I been able to move my arms. Oh, oh, you should know how amazing it felt to have His tongue in me, exploring me, feeling me tighten against His tongue. I could move some; I began trying to fuck His mouth.
He pulled away from me, so I couldn't take Him in more.
(There's so much more...I cannot wait to tell you the rest...)
When He took more than two steps into His home, I appeared, so I could suck His cock. Oh, so deeply into my mouth. I love when He deep-throats me. But last night, that wasn't the way He wanted me.
He pulled me away and tied me down. My wrists with restraints, my legs with His ropes. Spread-eagled, open, ready for anything. I did writhe against the restraints; I want Him in me again. Wherever He wanted me.
Instead, His mouth went to my clit. Licking, sucking, oh, God, fucking my clit, and laughing at me as I fought against the restraints to get to Him, and to try to protect myself from that kind of orgasm. He licked me over and over and over again until I came on Him. I came on His mouth. Once I've come, I giggle.
He looked at me again, and saw my face. I guess my expression wasn't enough to make Him stop. He went at me again, His mouth, His tongue, over my clit, again, again, and Oh, God, again. His hands now ran over my thighs, and up my body. One hand reached my nipple as I felt Him still on my clit. My chest bucked up, God, I wanted every bit of Him in me and on me. More and more He teased my nipple while sucking on my clit. I couldn't wait more; I came on Him again. Two orgasms happening that quickly brought tears to my eyes.
He didn't release me; He only asked if there was anything I needed. God, baby, God, I need your cock in me, now, please...I begged him. He put His mouth back down to my clit. Oh, not again, I don't think I can come again...He moved His mouth down to my cunt and began running his tongue up and down the opening of my cunt. I could finally relax and begin to enjoy His mouth on me. I would have pulled His head into my cunt had I been able to move my arms. Oh, oh, you should know how amazing it felt to have His tongue in me, exploring me, feeling me tighten against His tongue. I could move some; I began trying to fuck His mouth.
He pulled away from me, so I couldn't take Him in more.
(There's so much more...I cannot wait to tell you the rest...)
2.1.09
Garden Tub
Another favorite from my past.
This man didn't believe in receiving blow jobs, but he certainly believed in blowing me, well, and well, and often.
One evening, we had the whole place to ourselves. I cooked dinner, we ate and talked and touched and kissed throughout the meal. Once we were done eating, and the kitchen was clean, I suggested that we go upstairs. I'd bathed in the jacuzzi tub before, but never with another.
We dropped off our clothes as we went up the stairs. Mouths entwined, hands touching, skin on skin, as we got closer to the tub. Barely able to turn away from him, I turned on the water and the timer.
The tub got so hot, we had to slowly sink ourselves into it. Distractions from the pain of the heat included fingernails on backs and thighs, tongues on nipples, and watching each other try to sink in first.
He rested behind me, pulling my ass against his hard cock as he teased my nipples and kissed the back of my neck, the side of my neck, and as I turned to him, my mouth.
We kissed, and kissed, and kissed, until the only thing I wanted was him in me. Now. Now. He turned me, so I was under him and he was over me. The tub was so hot...so hot...there was steam rising, curling his hair, as he entered me.
He never was one to come quickly. He pushed himself into me, over and over again, and oh, he's big, he hit me so deep. His cock in me, his sweat running down his face, onto my face, as I sweat as just as hard, was the perfection of the evening.
He got just to where he needed. Three good, violent thrusts into me, the kind where I could feel him against my cervix, made me come one last time. This time, he came in me, in the water, in my arms.
He almost fainted. I held him for hours while in the tub.
This man didn't believe in receiving blow jobs, but he certainly believed in blowing me, well, and well, and often.
One evening, we had the whole place to ourselves. I cooked dinner, we ate and talked and touched and kissed throughout the meal. Once we were done eating, and the kitchen was clean, I suggested that we go upstairs. I'd bathed in the jacuzzi tub before, but never with another.
We dropped off our clothes as we went up the stairs. Mouths entwined, hands touching, skin on skin, as we got closer to the tub. Barely able to turn away from him, I turned on the water and the timer.
The tub got so hot, we had to slowly sink ourselves into it. Distractions from the pain of the heat included fingernails on backs and thighs, tongues on nipples, and watching each other try to sink in first.
He rested behind me, pulling my ass against his hard cock as he teased my nipples and kissed the back of my neck, the side of my neck, and as I turned to him, my mouth.
We kissed, and kissed, and kissed, until the only thing I wanted was him in me. Now. Now. He turned me, so I was under him and he was over me. The tub was so hot...so hot...there was steam rising, curling his hair, as he entered me.
He never was one to come quickly. He pushed himself into me, over and over again, and oh, he's big, he hit me so deep. His cock in me, his sweat running down his face, onto my face, as I sweat as just as hard, was the perfection of the evening.
He got just to where he needed. Three good, violent thrusts into me, the kind where I could feel him against my cervix, made me come one last time. This time, he came in me, in the water, in my arms.
He almost fainted. I held him for hours while in the tub.
Vignette
The light.
I'm tied down, quartered, in a dark room. I hear someone enter, carrying a lantern. The light is turned low so as to obfuscate the visitor. I feel fear, but more excitement as the footsteps approach. The gait and vague outline tells me it's a man. The lantern is attached to a hook hanging over me. Its purpose is solely to light my cunt for all to see.
This guy watches, toys, plays with me. Running fingers on the sides, inside and out, of my clit, teasing it out and in the open.
More people. More fingers, more mouths, all in a vainglorious attempt to show their pure worship of my cunt. Those who make me come are rewarded. Those who cannot are shamed by the man who set up this situation in the first place.
I'm tied down, quartered, in a dark room. I hear someone enter, carrying a lantern. The light is turned low so as to obfuscate the visitor. I feel fear, but more excitement as the footsteps approach. The gait and vague outline tells me it's a man. The lantern is attached to a hook hanging over me. Its purpose is solely to light my cunt for all to see.
This guy watches, toys, plays with me. Running fingers on the sides, inside and out, of my clit, teasing it out and in the open.
More people. More fingers, more mouths, all in a vainglorious attempt to show their pure worship of my cunt. Those who make me come are rewarded. Those who cannot are shamed by the man who set up this situation in the first place.
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