That's all I get, two questions, when my Him allows me to ask anything at all. I never know what to ask. "Are you going to hurt me?" I already know the answer to that. He's already promised to up the ante on me. We've graduated to what he considers a thrashing. "Will you fuck me?" I know the answer to that question as well. Yes, he will, yes, I will beg for him, yes, he will fuck me better than anyone else can. I suppose I could ask him if others will be watching today. I'm not sure I want to know. He knows how much freer I feel in cuffs and blindfolded, he knows my fear of the judgment of others. He knows that part of his allowing others to play with me is that they are not allowed to say anything detrimental about me or to me. Only he can call me his slut, his whore. For him, I am.
So I say nothing when he tells me that I can ask him questions.
13.3.09
11.3.09
Crave
You follow me into my closet, in order to help me dress. I know I must always look good for you, but I love it when I have your help. "Dress sexy," you tell me, as you opt for my black mini dress with the zipper down the front. I choose a pair of stiletto black heels to match. An hour later, makeup and hair done under your tutelage, we arrive at the bar. You've always liked the quiet Irish bars, quiet in the sense that we know most of the people there, quiet in the sense that the piano player has yet to arrive.
You order for me - vodka tonic, while you have a Guinness. We talk and laugh, and you order me a second drink. Your friend arrives. I've known him for a long time as well. There's pleasantries and pleasant conversation. I'm now into my third cocktail as I excuse myself and head for the lady's room. When I come back, you and our friend both greet me with a mischievous look on your faces. After a moment of talk, the conversation wanes. You've got an expectant look on your face as I greet your eyes with mine.
"Shall we leave?" you ask me. "Already?" I respond. You nod and rise to your feet, taking my hand in yours as you pull me up. "He's coming with us," you tell me.
We return to your apartment. More drinks are poured, more anecdotes exchanged, as we relax and I remove my shoes and curl into the floor, my back against the sofa. I stretch out my legs and smile up at the both of you.
"Would you be willing to enjoy?" you ask me. "Of course, I already am," I reply. "No, both of us - would you be willing to enjoy us?" I know this means that I will be servicing both of you. I will spend my evening on my knees and on my back. I'm not really interested in this, on this night, but I already knew what my answer would be. "Yes," I breathe to you. "Good," you reply. "Close your eyes."
I do, and rest my head back, preparing for what I will do. I feel fingers on my thighs, fingers on my zipper, and a mouth on mine. This is unexpected, as my role is to serve you. After a gasp, I respond to the kiss being given - it's not your mouth, it's your friend's. Then I feel your hand running up the inside of my thigh. My zipper opens, almost as if it wanted to. I feel a hand reach inside my bra to grab my breast. The sensations are overwhelming. Fingers, hands, mouths...
You raise my dress and spread my legs further. Your mouth attacks my clit, oh, I know this, oh, God, it's so good. Our friend continues to kiss me and while doing so, lightly run his fingertip over my nipple. I shudder, how could I not? This is not what I thought you wanted, and I'm unsure how to respond. The basic reactions are there, of course they are. Yet I want to please you. I look down to your face, to see if I can read what you want from me by looking in your eyes. You will not look at me, but instead push your tongue deeper into my cunt. Oh, God. Oh, I have no choice but to love this.
With your tongue in me, and your hand rubbing my clit, and our friend kissing me and rubbing my nipples, I can feel the wave of orgasm approaching. "Please, don't stop," I murmur as my head leans back onto the cushion. "Please...please," are the only words from me. I can hear you growl, hear it come from your throat, as your fingers twist my clit and my cunt begins to drip, as you groan into me. With that noise, I come, noisily and God, twisting.
"Good girl," you tell me, and tell me to stay still. Next, hands are lifting off my dress, which has been in a ball around my waist. Next, my bra is removed. I sit, naked and panting, in front of you.
Our friend switches places with you, and the first thing I feel is your mouth on mine, kissing me, kissing me, kissing me. I feel his tentative fingers on my clit, and I twist my hips to move closer to his hand. You're biting my neck, and he's finally running his mouth over all of my cunt, clit, everywhere. Now, I'm beginning to get lost in the sensation of you on me, of him in me, of pleasure.
Over, and over, and over, you and our friend switch places. Neither of you will slide your cock into me. I'm begging now, begging for that release which comes only with fucking. I want you, I want him, oh, please, I need this, please let me have you. "No," you tell me as you both take my hands to raise me off the floor. "Look at the mess you've made, girl. I'll have to get the carpet cleaned."
You tell our friend that it was a good night, and lead me off to the bedroom. "Did you enjoy yourself?" you ask me, as if I needed to tell you directly. "Yes, honey," I reply. Then you push me back onto your bed and finally, oh, thank you, finally, run your cock into my cunt. I squeeze you further in and wrap my legs around your back.
"He told me that he wanted you. He told me that he craved you. I thought you'd like this night," you tell me, as you push so deeply into me that I shudder. "You did good."
You order for me - vodka tonic, while you have a Guinness. We talk and laugh, and you order me a second drink. Your friend arrives. I've known him for a long time as well. There's pleasantries and pleasant conversation. I'm now into my third cocktail as I excuse myself and head for the lady's room. When I come back, you and our friend both greet me with a mischievous look on your faces. After a moment of talk, the conversation wanes. You've got an expectant look on your face as I greet your eyes with mine.
"Shall we leave?" you ask me. "Already?" I respond. You nod and rise to your feet, taking my hand in yours as you pull me up. "He's coming with us," you tell me.
We return to your apartment. More drinks are poured, more anecdotes exchanged, as we relax and I remove my shoes and curl into the floor, my back against the sofa. I stretch out my legs and smile up at the both of you.
"Would you be willing to enjoy?" you ask me. "Of course, I already am," I reply. "No, both of us - would you be willing to enjoy us?" I know this means that I will be servicing both of you. I will spend my evening on my knees and on my back. I'm not really interested in this, on this night, but I already knew what my answer would be. "Yes," I breathe to you. "Good," you reply. "Close your eyes."
I do, and rest my head back, preparing for what I will do. I feel fingers on my thighs, fingers on my zipper, and a mouth on mine. This is unexpected, as my role is to serve you. After a gasp, I respond to the kiss being given - it's not your mouth, it's your friend's. Then I feel your hand running up the inside of my thigh. My zipper opens, almost as if it wanted to. I feel a hand reach inside my bra to grab my breast. The sensations are overwhelming. Fingers, hands, mouths...
You raise my dress and spread my legs further. Your mouth attacks my clit, oh, I know this, oh, God, it's so good. Our friend continues to kiss me and while doing so, lightly run his fingertip over my nipple. I shudder, how could I not? This is not what I thought you wanted, and I'm unsure how to respond. The basic reactions are there, of course they are. Yet I want to please you. I look down to your face, to see if I can read what you want from me by looking in your eyes. You will not look at me, but instead push your tongue deeper into my cunt. Oh, God. Oh, I have no choice but to love this.
With your tongue in me, and your hand rubbing my clit, and our friend kissing me and rubbing my nipples, I can feel the wave of orgasm approaching. "Please, don't stop," I murmur as my head leans back onto the cushion. "Please...please," are the only words from me. I can hear you growl, hear it come from your throat, as your fingers twist my clit and my cunt begins to drip, as you groan into me. With that noise, I come, noisily and God, twisting.
"Good girl," you tell me, and tell me to stay still. Next, hands are lifting off my dress, which has been in a ball around my waist. Next, my bra is removed. I sit, naked and panting, in front of you.
Our friend switches places with you, and the first thing I feel is your mouth on mine, kissing me, kissing me, kissing me. I feel his tentative fingers on my clit, and I twist my hips to move closer to his hand. You're biting my neck, and he's finally running his mouth over all of my cunt, clit, everywhere. Now, I'm beginning to get lost in the sensation of you on me, of him in me, of pleasure.
Over, and over, and over, you and our friend switch places. Neither of you will slide your cock into me. I'm begging now, begging for that release which comes only with fucking. I want you, I want him, oh, please, I need this, please let me have you. "No," you tell me as you both take my hands to raise me off the floor. "Look at the mess you've made, girl. I'll have to get the carpet cleaned."
You tell our friend that it was a good night, and lead me off to the bedroom. "Did you enjoy yourself?" you ask me, as if I needed to tell you directly. "Yes, honey," I reply. Then you push me back onto your bed and finally, oh, thank you, finally, run your cock into my cunt. I squeeze you further in and wrap my legs around your back.
"He told me that he wanted you. He told me that he craved you. I thought you'd like this night," you tell me, as you push so deeply into me that I shudder. "You did good."
5.3.09
I know that look in your eyes. That look, as your eyes lock on mine. The stare is intense, almost angry. I want to avert my gaze, but I cannot. I fix my eyes on you, on your face, on the lines of your jawbone.
You reach behind me. I stay still, anticipation building in my body. "Take your top off," you tell me in a growl. As I slowly pull my shirt over my head, you take it from me and rip it off my arms. You grab for my hair, twisting it into a knot to hold me still.
Your mouth meets mine. This is where I can feel the tension in your body, your need for me, building in your lips and moving into me. Kisses and kisses and more kisses, your tongue in my mouth, pulling me closer to you with each movement. My face is smashed underneath yours. I cannot move. You keep kissing me, increasing the intensity and my desire. Your other hand reaches me, grabbing my breast. I can feel myself begin to sag, my legs weakening as you touch me.
You pull away, just enough to murmur into my mouth, "Do you want me?" "Yes," I reply, barely audible. "Do you love me?" "Yes."
"Good," you tell me, as you walk away.
You reach behind me. I stay still, anticipation building in my body. "Take your top off," you tell me in a growl. As I slowly pull my shirt over my head, you take it from me and rip it off my arms. You grab for my hair, twisting it into a knot to hold me still.
Your mouth meets mine. This is where I can feel the tension in your body, your need for me, building in your lips and moving into me. Kisses and kisses and more kisses, your tongue in my mouth, pulling me closer to you with each movement. My face is smashed underneath yours. I cannot move. You keep kissing me, increasing the intensity and my desire. Your other hand reaches me, grabbing my breast. I can feel myself begin to sag, my legs weakening as you touch me.
You pull away, just enough to murmur into my mouth, "Do you want me?" "Yes," I reply, barely audible. "Do you love me?" "Yes."
"Good," you tell me, as you walk away.
24.2.09
No is one of the most loaded words I can think of. No is power. No is a sentence unto itself.
Last night I gave away my power to say no. I did it of my own volition; I did it because I wanted to; I did it because I trust my Him.
Giving away that power makes me feel even more vulnerable. Yes, of my own accord, yes, I wanted to, yes, I trust my Him. But I'm afraid of the result. I could now learn some of the best parts of myself, the parts I'm generally afraid to explore. I may find that I'm capable of so much more than I've known.
I may also learn what real power means. Does giving away my "no" mean that I am becoming, finally, an absolute possession? Will I become O? Would I rather die than be without my Him?
The answers can only depend on experience. I'm afraid. But I'm also relieved and happy. If it turns out that my Him does reject me, well, I'll find out what happens from there. I think it's more likely that I will suffer from His disappointment in me than in a real rejection.
Still, this scares me somewhat.
(One tiny little plus - today was the first time we had phone sex while my Him was safely ensconced away and I had to work myself over in public. I found it liberating and strange. I'm still replaying it in my head, and I'm still getting off from it.)
Last night I gave away my power to say no. I did it of my own volition; I did it because I wanted to; I did it because I trust my Him.
Giving away that power makes me feel even more vulnerable. Yes, of my own accord, yes, I wanted to, yes, I trust my Him. But I'm afraid of the result. I could now learn some of the best parts of myself, the parts I'm generally afraid to explore. I may find that I'm capable of so much more than I've known.
I may also learn what real power means. Does giving away my "no" mean that I am becoming, finally, an absolute possession? Will I become O? Would I rather die than be without my Him?
The answers can only depend on experience. I'm afraid. But I'm also relieved and happy. If it turns out that my Him does reject me, well, I'll find out what happens from there. I think it's more likely that I will suffer from His disappointment in me than in a real rejection.
Still, this scares me somewhat.
(One tiny little plus - today was the first time we had phone sex while my Him was safely ensconced away and I had to work myself over in public. I found it liberating and strange. I'm still replaying it in my head, and I'm still getting off from it.)
21.2.09
I'll meme until I just can't meme no more
I did this on naughtyeliot's site. I just finished posting my responses as a comment on her blog. And that's how it goes--post your answers in a comment here and then post the questions on your blog for you readers.
1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Favorite fictional character of all time?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
27. What’s your favorite hangout?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Favorite fictional character of all time?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
27. What’s your favorite hangout?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
16.2.09
You Will
You will smile at me between courses at dinner
You will stroke your ankle against mine while I'm discussing politics with the family
You will lick away the last traces of dessert from your mouth and never take your eyes off me
You will ask if I know what you're thinking and I will just breathe silently
You will caress my wrists in the kitchen as I rinse the glasses in warm water
You will stand behind me, your breath warm on my neck, my ears
You will slip out when the others go into the living room for coffee
And I will follow you
You will clasp me in the yard underneath the tree with fall air falling on us
You will sweep in my trembles and brush in my heartbeat
You will sniff hungrily at me and slide your hands under my sweater, blouse, bra, to skin, and me
You will gather me into you and your mouth will wet and bite me like fruit
You will murmur and moan and pull me, pull me, pull me to you under the night sky
You will shift me down to the cold grass and I will never once think that this is wrong, that I am your sister, and you cannot have me this way
You will not utter a word, and when you're done, you will lie beside me, and wrap me, in a deep blanket of stars
- Nicole Blackman
You will stroke your ankle against mine while I'm discussing politics with the family
You will lick away the last traces of dessert from your mouth and never take your eyes off me
You will ask if I know what you're thinking and I will just breathe silently
You will caress my wrists in the kitchen as I rinse the glasses in warm water
You will stand behind me, your breath warm on my neck, my ears
You will slip out when the others go into the living room for coffee
And I will follow you
You will clasp me in the yard underneath the tree with fall air falling on us
You will sweep in my trembles and brush in my heartbeat
You will sniff hungrily at me and slide your hands under my sweater, blouse, bra, to skin, and me
You will gather me into you and your mouth will wet and bite me like fruit
You will murmur and moan and pull me, pull me, pull me to you under the night sky
You will shift me down to the cold grass and I will never once think that this is wrong, that I am your sister, and you cannot have me this way
You will not utter a word, and when you're done, you will lie beside me, and wrap me, in a deep blanket of stars
- Nicole Blackman
8.2.09
Our girl
He hits me. He smacks my ass when I'm too saucy.
He's figuring out a new date for us, which includes his girl. She told him how she wants us. She wants him on his back, she wants him in my cunt, and then she wants to fuck my clit while he uses me.
I think I'm going to love this girl.
She's a sub; she loves to be whipped. She's not afraid of me, not yet. She quite well might be. Oh, the chance to whip her while she's on all fours. I want her to look back at me and beg me to stop. No. Not yet, I will not stop whipping her ass and her back. I want to bring her to tears, full tears, and then lead her face back to my cunt, so she can make me come while she cries. I will fuck her mouth; she will cry and take me in. Once I come in her mouth, and oh, I will, my Him and I will push her aside so we can fuck, and fuck, and fuck.
She is our possession. She will watch us.
He's figuring out a new date for us, which includes his girl. She told him how she wants us. She wants him on his back, she wants him in my cunt, and then she wants to fuck my clit while he uses me.
I think I'm going to love this girl.
She's a sub; she loves to be whipped. She's not afraid of me, not yet. She quite well might be. Oh, the chance to whip her while she's on all fours. I want her to look back at me and beg me to stop. No. Not yet, I will not stop whipping her ass and her back. I want to bring her to tears, full tears, and then lead her face back to my cunt, so she can make me come while she cries. I will fuck her mouth; she will cry and take me in. Once I come in her mouth, and oh, I will, my Him and I will push her aside so we can fuck, and fuck, and fuck.
She is our possession. She will watch us.
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